IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion.

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The
death
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penalty
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 for
people
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 who committed a violent crime is promoted by some
people
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while
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 others think capital punishment is outdated. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the
death
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penalty
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 for
people
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 who commit violent
crimes
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. I think
people
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 who commit violent
crimes
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 should learn from their mistakes and should get the chance to better themselves. On the one hand, applying the
death
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penalty
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 results in less violent
crimes
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 because of the definitive consequence of the sentence for
criminals
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 themself but
also
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 for young
people
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. Young
people
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 will know the serious consequences which might result in
less
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fewer
show examples
crimes
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 in the future.
Teeners
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Teenagers
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 will be less interested in carrying a gun
for example
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 if
this
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 means a high punishment when they are being caught.
This
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 implies that a safer community is promised in the future and
this
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 can be seen as an important advantage for applying the
death
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penalty
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.
Conversely
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, the unacceptability of the sentence is argued since it does not fit in modern society.
People
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 prefer to give
criminals
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 the time and space to improve themself.
Moreover
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, the
death
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penalty
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 is often seen as an easy way out because they will not be able to think and learn from their mistakes and
this
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 is seen as a disadvantage of the
death
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penalty
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. In my opinion, a safe society is very important and violent
crimes
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 should not be tolerated.
Therefore
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, serious consequences need to be taken so that
criminals
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 can face the fact that they did something horrible not only to the direct others but
also
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 to the society.
However
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, applying the
death
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 sentence is not acceptable and should not be applied anymore, not in modern times. Violent
criminals
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 should face serious consequences after committing a violent crime from which they can learn and face a long time to improve themselves.
This
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 can be arranged by the jail they have to go to, have sessions with psychologists and social workers and find an efficient way to cope with violent thoughts.

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task achievement
To strengthen task achievement, use specific and varied examples that clearly illustrate your main points. This can make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
In terms of introduction and conclusion, you have done a solid job. Just ensure that your conclusion firmly reiterates your main points and clearly states your final stance.
task achievement
You have addressed all parts of the task comprehensively, providing both advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty along with a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and good flow, with clear divisions between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance on the issue, which strengthens the overall coherence of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
What to do next:
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