IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repair old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #repair #buildings #ones
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Some
people
 argue that preserving and repairing old
buildings
 consumes too much money.
Therefore
, they suggest demolishing those and
then
 replacing them with modern
ones
.
However
, I disagree with the argument, as developing new
buildings
 consumes too many resources at once.
Furthermore
, old architectures have great historical significance. The old
buildings
 need to be repaired once each year, which
spends much
Verb problem
costs a lot of
show examples
 money.
This
 spending is noticed by some
people
 who argue the maintenance routine is costlier than making new
ones
. They do not know that developing new constructions consists of several stages, which is more expensive. These stages,
such
 as prototyping, designing, developing, and finalizing, need more resources than
people
 can imagine.
For example
, building one skyscraper needs an architect, a designer, and other jobs.
Moreover
, the development process
also
 needs time to be completed.
However
, sticking with the old
buildings
 only needs manual workers, without an architect or a designer.
Thus
, I believe that preserving the old constructions is cheaper than making the new
ones
. Old
architecture
 often has great historical significance, which provides valuable insight into the past. The old
architecture
 should contain the culture at the time the building was created. In my country, Indonesia, it can be found in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the most prestigious universities called Airlangga. The
architecture
 is tightly
coupled with
 the culture of the Netherlands, as Indonesia was dominated by them for hundreds of years.
Therefore
,
people
 from the new generation should not be surprised that Indonesia and the Netherlands have intersections in several words.
Thus
, I think keeping the old
architecture
 can preserve
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 historical significance. In conclusion, replacing the old constructions with the new
ones
 is overkill as long as we can use the old
ones
. It is
also
 good to keep the old
buildings
 as it can maintain a nation's heritage, which contains valuable insight.
Submitted by ivannizar on

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly outlines the main argument, it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although your paragraphs contain relevant information, connecting phrases could improve the flow.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your points with more examples or data. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is well-done, summarizing the key points effectively and reiterating the overall argument.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as the architecture at Airlangga University, enhance the credibility of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs that each address a specific point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • historical significance
  • architectural features
  • craftsmanship
  • environmentally friendly
  • demolition
  • energy efficiency
  • safety standards
  • functional
  • cost-effective
  • urban development
  • accommodation
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