Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repair old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
argue that preserving and repairing old Use synonyms
buildings
consumes too much money. Use synonyms
Therefore
, they suggest demolishing those and Linking Words
then
replacing them with modern Linking Words
ones
. Use synonyms
However
, I disagree with the argument, as developing new Linking Words
buildings
consumes too many resources at once. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, old architectures have great historical significance.
The old Linking Words
buildings
need to be repaired once each year, which Use synonyms
spends much
money. Verb problem
costs a lot of
This
spending is noticed by some Linking Words
people
who argue the maintenance routine is costlier than making new Use synonyms
ones
. They do not know that developing new constructions consists of several stages, which is more expensive. These stages, Use synonyms
such
as prototyping, designing, developing, and finalizing, need more resources than Linking Words
people
can imagine. Use synonyms
For example
, building one skyscraper needs an architect, a designer, and other jobs. Linking Words
Moreover
, the development process Linking Words
also
needs time to be completed. Linking Words
However
, sticking with the old Linking Words
buildings
only needs manual workers, without an architect or a designer. Use synonyms
Thus
, I believe that preserving the old constructions is cheaper than making the new Linking Words
ones
.
Old Use synonyms
architecture
often has great historical significance, which provides valuable insight into the past. The old Use synonyms
architecture
should contain the culture at the time the building was created. In my country, Indonesia, it can be found in Use synonyms
the
one of the most prestigious universities called Airlangga. The Change the article
apply
architecture
is tightly Use synonyms
coupled with
the culture of the Netherlands, as Indonesia was dominated by them for hundreds of years. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
people
from the new generation should not be surprised that Indonesia and the Netherlands have intersections in several words. Use synonyms
Thus
, I think keeping the old Linking Words
architecture
can preserve Use synonyms
the
historical significance.
In conclusion, replacing the old constructions with the new Change the word
its
ones
is overkill as long as we can use the old Use synonyms
ones
. It is Use synonyms
also
good to keep the old Linking Words
buildings
as it can maintain a nation's heritage, which contains valuable insight.Use synonyms
Submitted by ivannizar on
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task achievement
While your introduction clearly outlines the main argument, it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although your paragraphs contain relevant information, connecting phrases could improve the flow.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your points with more examples or data. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is well-done, summarizing the key points effectively and reiterating the overall argument.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as the architecture at Airlangga University, enhance the credibility of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs that each address a specific point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example