IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#show #japanese #tourists #australia #tourist #market #report #university #lecturer #information
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The bar chart illustrates the number of
Japanese
 people who travelled to other countries from 1985 to 1995,
while
 the graph shows the percentage of
Japanese
 who chose Australia as a destination during the same period. The initial expression is that not only the numbers
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad were increased by
Japanese’s
Change noun form
Japanese
show examples
 people but
also
 there was
strong
Add an article
a strong
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 rise in the percentage of
Japanese
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 to Australia. As can be seen in the bar chart, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started by almost 5
million
 in 1985 which had a
remarkably
Change the adverb
remarkable
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 growth of approximately 2
million
 per year until 1990 when the number of overseas
travelers
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travellers
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 arrived
nearly
Change preposition
at nearly
show examples
 11
million
.
Then
 it experienced a slight fall of just over 10
million
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before it started to
recovered
Change the verb
recover
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 again at nearly 16
million
at the end
 of the period.
According to
 the line graph, prior to 1985, the proportion of
Japanese
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 to Australia was zero,
however
 by 1985, there was a notable improvement of just under 5% for about 4 consecutive years. In 1989, it had a sharp increase in 1993 when it peaked at just over 6
million
. Despite
this
, there was a slight decrease
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
 year
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
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exactly 5
million
at the end
 of the period.
Submitted by shmz_1363 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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