Some people believe that government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individual should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include example from your own experience.
There is no denying the fact that
,
Some Remove the comma
apply
people
from different countries think that the government
do not have the ability to take care
of old people
but others can for some reason. While
it is a commonly held belief that, the government
who
can take Correct pronoun usage
that
care
of them have enough money
, there is also
an argument that,
other governments do not have the ability to take Remove the comma
apply
care
of old people
. This
essay will analyse this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
On one
hand, the Correct article usage
the one
government
should look for old people
and support them with everything they need. In other words
, if they want money
or an apartment government
must do everything they want because they do not have someone to take care
of them. In addition
, this
method will make them happier and healthier and they can live life easier. For example
, I know many old people
who do not have an apartment or any kind of food because they do not have children or someone to take care
of them.
On the other hand
, old people
should take care
of themselves by saving money
. It is also
possible to say that, they should plan for this
day and try to find any solution to this
. Moreover
, this
idea will let them live a good life in the future. For instance
, I saw many old people
work for a long time just to save a little money
for their future.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this
question. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that, old people
should take care
of themselves and save money
for their future because it is not possible that government
will take care
of all old people
.Submitted by bcynfn159 on
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task achievement
Your introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement, directly stating your opinion on the matter.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more detailed examples and evidence. This will strengthen your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully expanded and explain your reasoning in more detail.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs with distinct ideas in each one, which aids in readability.