IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many governments invest a great deal of money in space research. What are the advantages and potential disadvantages of spending money on space exploration?

#governments #money #space #research #exploration
Various controversies have emerged as to whether the government should invest enormous money in
space
exploration
. Some people state that investment in
space
 research is a waste of money. From my perspective,
however
, the benefits of
space
 search far outweigh its drawbacks. One primary reason is the development of
technology
. Many cutting-edge
technology
 was invented in the
space
 inspection stage at first. The relevant authorities put tremendous funds into the improvement of
space
technology
 and most of those state-of-the-art
space
 technologies would eventually be used by normal people.
For instance
, the Internet was
initially
 invented for the purpose of communicating with
space
 crafts and
space
 stations.
However
, after several years of improvement,
this
technology
 was
finally
 utilized by everyone on their personal devices,
such
 as smartphones and laptops.
On the other hand
, some opponents of
space
exploration
 stated that
instead
 of spending on
this
, the government should focus on upgrading the infrastructure. If the government puts too much money into the improvement of
space
technology
, there will be no ample funds to renovate some basic facilities.
Nonetheless
, investment in
space
technology
 not only has a remarkable impact on
space
exploration
 but
also
 establishes the reputation of the countries.
Therefore
, many international companies might want to invest in the industry in
this
 area.
This
 will give those states more funding to build infrastructure. By way of conclusion, I firmly believe that it is worth it to invest the
space
exploration
.
While
 some people claim that it might eclipse the investment for other issues.
However
, it can not only improve the expansion of
technology
 but
also
 stimulate foreign funding in domestic industry.
Submitted by weber61543 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance your structure, consider varying your sentence structure which will not only improve readability but also enrich your writing style.
Task Achievement
For an even higher score in task achievement, aim to provide a wider variety of specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
General
Remember to review your essay for small inaccuracies in expressions and conventions typical of standard written English. Minor improvements here can have a significant impact.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which framed your argument effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points were supported by relevant arguments, contributing to a coherent discussion on the topic.
Content
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the subject, articulating both benefits and drawbacks of government investment in space exploration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: