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Band 7.5

Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #adults #education #class #self-study #study
There is a belief that says learning at college or university is not important for adults if they want the knowledge
instead
, self-study gives more effective results for individuals. I completely agree with the statement because the goal of studying is actually to gain knowledge, and
this
 is achieved better in self-education.
To begin
 with, studying at a university does not have an impact on the person,
in other words
 when people need to understand something or even learn something, these places do not give the right way to that,
however
, self-education is the opposite side of
this
 case and will eventually make us learn about the matter,
for instance
, Harvard says 80 per cent of graduates do not fully understand what they studied. Another point to consider is that individuals get more board in the class and
this
 will lead to a feeling of unimportance about the subject,
on the other hand
, self-study solves all these problems and gives more fun to the matter because you will learn with a way that person feels close to,
for example
, math can be really boring in university but when I learned it on Youtube I immediately felt interested in the math and in a short time I became great in it. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that self-education can bring us closer to knowledge and make us enjoy more than studying in class and with it, we can achieve our goals in much less time and in
high
Correct word choice
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Submitted by ahmedaziz9811 on

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear stance on the issue, which is excellent, but try to refine your topic sentence for better clarity. Where possible, draw a clear comparison between class education and self-study.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical progression, a few areas could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Using linking words and phrases would help to improve cohesion.
task achievement
Be careful with broad statements like '80 per cent of graduates do not fully understand what they studied,' as such claims should ideally be supported by specific data.
task achievement
Your essay sets out a clear argument and follows it through with relevant and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, adding to the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
The examples provided are both relevant and specific, adding strength to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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