IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is becoming increasingly popular for school leavers to take a year off (a gap year) before going to university. Do the advantages of this outweigh any disadvantages?

#school #leavers #year #gap #university #outweigh
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Education is not just a piece of paper - the piece of paper is the representation of
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 and qualities of a person .the rate of a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 before joining
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
college is now greater than at almost any point in history. From my perspective, I firmly believe that the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 outweigh the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
. Despite knowing the benefits of
the take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 a rest between years
studying
Change preposition
of studying
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but
Correct word choice
apply
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the disadvantages more than
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 .
Although
Linking Words
 it's
great
Add an article
a great
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 notion for pupils
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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at the same
time
Use synonyms
 it is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
,
gap
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year
Use synonyms
 waste of
time
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 and in one
year
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students
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 can spend more
time
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 with something better
.in
Correct your spelling
In
 one
year
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 they will finish 6 subjects .
Therefore
Linking Words
, they have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to take a long rest when they finish a tertiary education.
Individual
Fix the agreement mistake
Individuals
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 in
twenties
Correct pronoun usage
their twenties
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 age can acquire more skills ,
experience
Correct word choice
and experience
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 and
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
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 complex concepts more quickly for that reason
students
Use synonyms
 should spend their
time
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 that , the advantages of
Use synonyms
gap
Add an article
a gap
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year
Use synonyms
 for
students
Use synonyms
 they will spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families .
In
Change preposition
This
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this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
students
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 have to exploit their
time
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 to gain a lot of information about their major and
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for opportunities that can join to a job after they graduate.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they can enjoy and share their
time
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 with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should travel abroad to back to university with
cheerful
Add an article
a cheerful
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 spirit and
refresh
Wrong verb form
refreshed
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 mood. after
Use synonyms
gap
Correct article usage
the gap
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year
Use synonyms
 they will come back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college fresh and energetic again because in the
gap
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
year,
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 they do what they want. In conclusion,
Allthough
Correct your spelling
although
, the notion of a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 wasted
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
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, it is
Correct article usage
an opportunities
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opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
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 for
students
Use synonyms
 to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families and practice their hobbies rather
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 spending one
year
Use synonyms
 in university .
Submitted by a.almakmari93 on

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task achievement
Work on a clear thesis in the introduction to directly answer the question. Then, make sure each body paragraph supports that thesis clearly.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is clearly explained and supported with relevant examples or explanations. Try to avoid vague statements.
coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger logical flow within and between paragraphs. Use more cohesive devices like connectors and transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have touched on both the advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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