At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation

the

Correct article usage

apply

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recent decades, the lion's share of some countries'

population

consisnts

Correct your spelling

consists

of youths, and only a small amount of

population

Correct article usage

the population

show examples

includes elderly people. There are advantages and a disadvantage

for

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show examples

this

trend, which will be

disccused

Correct your spelling

discussed

this

essay. The advantages seem to outweigh the

disadvanges

Correct your spelling

disadvantages

according to

some reasons, which will be explained. To start with the disadvantage, the lack of expert workforces can lead to

breakdown

Add an article

a breakdown

show examples

in some industries,

such

agricultural

Replace the word

agriculture

show examples

, food and clothing. To be more accurate, the entire young and naive

workforces

Fix the agreement mistake

workforce

show examples

cannot access

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apply

show examples

experienced older professionals to foster their knowledge about their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

As a result

new comers

Correct your spelling

newcomers

show examples

cannot

efficiantly

Correct your spelling

efficiently

pass the promotion steps and become

the

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apply

show examples

future experts.

For example

, in some factories, the junior workers practically learn how to

Correct your spelling

show examples

the job better from the senior forces. Moving to advantages, the main benefit of the young adult

population

being larger than

older

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the older

show examples

population

is that the government can be

ebale

Correct your spelling

able

to cut down the excessive cost of taking care of

disable

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disabled

show examples

elderly individuals. Seventy-year-olds and over need 24 hours

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of protrction

show examples

protrction

Correct your spelling

protection

and it can cost a lot for

the

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apply

show examples

societies.

Moreover

, younger societies may contribute to economic growth. Concerts and Festivals will be held

according to

the young

adult

Change noun form

adult's

show examples

interests, These enchanting events create

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

busteling

Correct your spelling

bustling

and

alive

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lively

show examples

cities, attracting so many tourists from all around the world.

Tourism

Add an article

The tourism

show examples

industry plays a crucial role in economic promotion.

Finally

, the fresh learners of

younger

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the younger

show examples

population

have the potential to follow different career paths and occupations,

strenghening

Correct your spelling

strengthening

the

country

's financial background for the next generations. The more various experts in a

country

, the more

feld

Correct your spelling

field

choices and job opportunities are available for our future children. In conclusion, adolescents and adults are more beneficial for societies, as they are ready to work and spin the vehicle of industry and make more money for their

country

In contrast

, older people need a large amount of funding provided by

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

for living

Change preposition

to live

show examples

in the

country

without earning any money. Youths

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

help their hometown to be more attractive to tourists, leading to financial benefits for the

country

Submitted by ava.saljoughi on Sun Sep 15 2024

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logical structure

Work on refining your logical structure to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will help to better showcase the progression of your ideas.

clear comprehensive ideas

Proofread your essay to correct spelling, grammar, and typographical errors. This will enhance clarity and comprehension.

clear comprehensive ideas

You provide clear and comprehensive ideas that address both the advantages and disadvantages of having a larger young population compared to older individuals.

relevant specific examples

You effectively use relevant and specific examples to support your points, adding depth to your argument.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay includes a well-defined introduction and conclusion, framing your discussion and summarizing your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

353 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society?

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.