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Band 6

The quality of life in some big cities is becoming worse every year. What is the main cause of this problem? What solution could you suggest?

#quality #life #cities #year
It is certain that
life
 gets harder and
people
 suffer from a lack of quality of
life
 in big
cities
.
This
 essay explains the main cause is that the big
cities
 get crowded more than their capacity and to solve the problem government should create more
job
opportunities
 in rural places or other
cities
. Since there are a lot of
job
opportunities
 in big
cities
, individuals prefer migrating to staying in rural places or small
cities
.
Therefore
, transportation, housing, hospitals and other facilities cannot meet
people
's requirements.
Moreover
, because the demand is high, prices increase and citizens cannot afford them.
Hence
,
people
 live an uncomfortable and low-quality
life
.
For instance
, İstanbul is the most populated city in Türkiye.
In contrast
, its surface area is not the biggest.
Thus
, there are a lot of big apartments constructed and these buildings still cannot meet demand.
In addition
, traffic congestion, long lines in front of hospitals and prices escalating
day
 by
day
 make the local society unhappy. Governments should take some measures to increase the
life
 quality and decrease the population in big
cities
. In my opinion, governments should allocate more funding to creating new
job
opportunities
 in small
cities
 and rural areas.
This
 kind of investment may lead
people
 to go to these small
cities
 to earn money and live a better
life
.
Moreover
,
this
 solution helps small
cities
 develop quickly.
On the other hand
, because big
cities
 may be less populated,
people
 living in these
cities
 may reach back their quality lives again. In conclusion, big
cities
 get crowded
day
 by
day
 because of the lack of
job
opportunities
 in other small
cities
.
Therefore
 governments should increase investments in small
cities
 and create new
job
opportunities
 to attract individuals to move to these
cities
.
Otherwise
,
life
 in big
cities
 gets worse and other big problems may occur.
Submitted by a.muratdemircan on

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Coherence and Cohesion
In the introduction, make sure to establish a clear thesis statement that succinctly outlines the main points of your essay. This creates a roadmap for readers.
Task Achievement
While your main points are clear, consider adding more specific examples to further substantiate your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You provided a relevant example of Istanbul to support your argument, which is effective in illustrating your point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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