«Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Chief
Powhatan
's daughter
Pocahontas
is one of the most striking personalities in history. It is saddening to realize how people’s accounts about her – both oral and written – cloud
this
image,
instead
of revealing the real history. Even from a very young age,
Pocahontas
found herself loved by her father, with whom she shared a special attachment. She took a prominent position in the society after she grew older fostering and
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
the ware and culture of her community’s
Powhatan
society. In 1607, with the arrival of the
English
settlers, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
several significant turns to events. The
English
were very cordial to the
Powhatan
people and tried to win their friendship. So did
Pocahontas
, who became a representative in reinforcing those ties. To set the record straight, her connection with John Smith and how he referred to her rescue might be quite a different scenario from the other impression. An act that in
this
case was intended by the paonis as a welcoming event meant to receive John Smith into the
Powhatan
ethnicity. Anyone who follows the history closely would easily appreciate how the figure of
Pocahontas
progressively changed over time. Some months later,
Pocahontas
married Kocoum, who was a member of the Patawomeck Tribe, and relations chilled for quite a
while
after Smith left in 1609 and there were no talks with them.
Although
such
a marriage may be deemed to have not been highly dignified, it shows that the decision was personal rather than political.
Pocahontas
wed John Rolfe in 1614, a marriage that
underscores
Wrong verb form
underscored
show examples
the efforts of the
English
to forge alliances and enhance investments
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Virginia.
While
the union was strategically useful, it
also
served as an emotional tie as
Pocahontas
and Rolfe are said to have well liked each other. Their journey to England in 1616
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
seeks
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to advance the cause of Virginia and gather reinforcements for the colony. Unfortunately,
Pocahontas
became sick and passed away in 1617 which was just before they moved back to Virginia.
Pocahontas
was an important historical figure and the stories about her life differ, some of them even conflict with each other.
For instance
, the
English
governors’ official documents would cast
Pocahontas
as an
eye witness
Correct your spelling
eyewitness
show examples
offering her support to the promoters of colonization as an enthusiast. She has been captured and sent there to live in England which accounts say is not very pleasant as it is said to be full of exploitation. Humbly put, the story of
Pocahontas
is one which embodies the hardships of intercultural interactions
as well as
colonialism. People are captivated by her story to
this
day and even different interpretations are attempted because her images have been adopted into different cultures.
Submitted by ikovalchuk3107 on

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complete response
The essay does a good job with task response by addressing the general topic well. However, to enhance completeness, consider providing a more nuanced stance on whether governments should intervene to rectify the historical and socio-economic disparity of artists. Explicitly agreeing or disagreeing with the statement could make your position clearer.
clear comprehensive ideas
Although the ideas are generally clear, precision can be improved by addressing minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. For example, 'fostering and practicing the ware and culture' should be 'fostering and practicing the ways and culture.'
relevant specific examples
While some historical examples are well-chosen, ensuring every detail directly ties back to your main argument about fairness and government intervention could strengthen the essay further.
introduction conclusion present
The essay opens with a clear and engaging introduction that effectively sets the stage for the reader, establishing the topic and its significance.
logical structure
Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
supported main points
The essay effectively supports the main points with relevant historical contexts and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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