More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
people
are consuming a vast Use synonyms
amount
of carbohydrate Use synonyms
foods
. Because of consuming Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
foods
, they are becoming more and more fat. Use synonyms
Moreover
, Linking Words
due to
lack of diet planning and exercise the Linking Words
amount
of fat stored in the blood doesn’t decrease. Yes, I do agree that Use synonyms
people
are becoming more and more fat Use synonyms
due to
consuming fattening Linking Words
foods
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, companies are Linking Words
also
promoting packaged products that contain a significant Linking Words
amount
of fat but less quantity of protein. A majority of companies, to gain profit from their Use synonyms
product
do a Use synonyms
lot
of campaigning and collaborate with many of the famous personalities.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
this
influences the common Linking Words
people
to consume those products, and as the Use synonyms
product
gains popularity more and more Use synonyms
people
start to consume those products. Use synonyms
For example
, pizza became famous among most youngsters and became a party Linking Words
product
. Another example is Use synonyms
Coke
, which is famous from the 90s. Use synonyms
Coke
contains a significant Use synonyms
amount
of sugar Use synonyms
along with
the carbohydrate. Since Linking Words
Coke
Use synonyms
got
famous in America, most Americans started consuming Verb problem
became
this
Linking Words
product
in their daily life. A scientific study has revealed that consumption of Use synonyms
coke
increases the chance of heart attack in an early stage of life.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, the Linking Words
people
who are already fat have become more lazy when it comes to working out. A majority of obese Use synonyms
people
do not have a diet plan or daily habit of exercising. A human consuming more calories than normal quantity should exercise daily for at least two times. Use synonyms
Besides
a plethora of reasons to stop consuming Linking Words
foods
that contain a Use synonyms
lot
of fats, companies are still promoting packaged Use synonyms
foods
that have very few calories but a Use synonyms
lot
of fats. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
this
type of Linking Words
product
contains more fat and carbohydrate than protein and calories.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, Linking Words
people
who are consuming a Use synonyms
lot
of Use synonyms
product
which has a good Use synonyms
amount
of fat should Use synonyms
also
have a proper diet plan or exercise daily to minimize the cholesterol quantity in their blood. Linking Words
Hence
, it will reduce the chances of heart attack and obesity.Linking Words
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task response
Try to clearly state your position in the introduction. While you agree that people are becoming overweight due to fattening foods, the essay should focus more on whether increasing the price of such foods is a viable solution.
coherence cohesion
There is a need to better organize your points. For example, the link between marketing and obesity could be discussed together, and the lack of diet and exercise in a separate paragraph.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could include a study or statistics about how increased pricing of unhealthy foods has worked in other countries.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear idea that links back to the overall argument of the essay. This helps in creating a more logical structure.
task response
The essay includes several relevant examples, like Coke and pizza, which help illustrate the impact of marketing on food choices.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task response
Your points on the influence of marketing and the lack of exercise are well-developed and relevant to the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.