More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
people
are consuming a vast amount
of carbohydrate foods
. Because of consuming such
foods
, they are becoming more and more fat. Moreover
, due to
lack of diet planning and exercise the amount
of fat stored in the blood doesn’t decrease. Yes, I do agree that people
are becoming more and more fat due to
consuming fattening foods
. Furthermore
, companies are also
promoting packaged products that contain a significant amount
of fat but less quantity of protein. A majority of companies, to gain profit from their product
do a lot
of campaigning and collaborate with many of the famous personalities.
Firstly
, this
influences the common people
to consume those products, and as the product
gains popularity more and more people
start to consume those products. For example
, pizza became famous among most youngsters and became a party product
. Another example is Coke
, which is famous from the 90s. Coke
contains a significant amount
of sugar along with
the carbohydrate. Since Coke
got
famous in America, most Americans started consuming Verb problem
became
this
product
in their daily life. A scientific study has revealed that consumption of coke
increases the chance of heart attack in an early stage of life.
Secondly
, the people
who are already fat have become more lazy when it comes to working out. A majority of obese people
do not have a diet plan or daily habit of exercising. A human consuming more calories than normal quantity should exercise daily for at least two times. Besides
a plethora of reasons to stop consuming foods
that contain a lot
of fats, companies are still promoting packaged foods
that have very few calories but a lot
of fats. For instance
, this
type of product
contains more fat and carbohydrate than protein and calories.
To conclude
, people
who are consuming a lot
of product
which has a good amount
of fat should also
have a proper diet plan or exercise daily to minimize the cholesterol quantity in their blood. Hence
, it will reduce the chances of heart attack and obesity.Submitted by debasistripathy.india on
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task response
Try to clearly state your position in the introduction. While you agree that people are becoming overweight due to fattening foods, the essay should focus more on whether increasing the price of such foods is a viable solution.
coherence cohesion
There is a need to better organize your points. For example, the link between marketing and obesity could be discussed together, and the lack of diet and exercise in a separate paragraph.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could include a study or statistics about how increased pricing of unhealthy foods has worked in other countries.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear idea that links back to the overall argument of the essay. This helps in creating a more logical structure.
task response
The essay includes several relevant examples, like Coke and pizza, which help illustrate the impact of marketing on food choices.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task response
Your points on the influence of marketing and the lack of exercise are well-developed and relevant to the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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