IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
In some nations, youngsters make plans to
work
 or
travel
 for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
This
 action brings some benefits and drawbacks for them. In
this
 era, it is hard for
parents
 to control their young children to stay at home after finishing high school in some countries. In their spare time, it is better to push them to
work
 and get in touch with other
people
.
Thus
, working at
this
 time is a kind of practice to get experience in how to get money toward working for them.
Besides
, they gradually understand the value of money that their
parents
 gain with difficulties. On the one hand, going to
travel
 brings many experiences in their life as well. They get enough confidence to deal with challenges and how to make connections with other
people
. Because young
people
 need to grow and explore their surroundings to improve themselves how to manage their lives. So, it has many benefits for youngsters.
Otherwise
, these programs can be destructive for both youngsters and their
parents
.
In other words
, if their
parents
 do not accompany them, young
people
 may get in trouble in future.
For example
, if an 18-year-old boy wants to
work
, his
parents
 should investigate the workplace because it may not be suitable for them,
whereas
this
 young boy does not have enough experience well to distinguish the side effects. Regardless, he may
work
 in clubs or other places that just give good salaries but these workplaces are not suitable at all. Or they
travel
 to unknown places where their life is in danger. In conclusion, in some countries, young
people
 are excited to
work
 or
travel
 for a year before going to university. But, in fact,
this
 can bring advantages and disadvantages to them.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your introduction should clearly identify the topic and state your position or purpose. Make sure the introduction directly addresses the topic and sets the stage for your arguments.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and is logically structured. For instance, the paragraph about advantages should clearly enumerate and explain the benefits before moving on to the disadvantages.
relevant specific examples
To make your essay more convincing, provide more specific and relevant examples when discussing the advantages and disadvantages. This can help to illustrate your points more clearly.
complete response
Your essay encompasses both advantages and disadvantages of taking a year off, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The idea that working or traveling can build confidence and life skills in young people is well articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: