Most people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle; however, there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy and that this, and not money, will lead to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Money

Use synonyms

is everything for some populations

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but is not for others. Some people prefer to look for an occasion that offers a good salary for them to fulfil their needs,

while

Linking Words

others just try to do what they love because it would help them to have a peaceful life. I agree that

money

Use synonyms

is a very important consideration in deciding a person's career. On the one hand,

money

Use synonyms

is needed by everyone. Everything in

this

Linking Words

world,

such

Linking Words

as primary, secondary, and tertiary needs, is valued by the prize that would be paid with the

money

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, it would be a realistic reason for society to enter the work field that can fully cover their demands, like lifestyle, education, food and beverages, family, and house necessities.

For example

Linking Words

, the head of a family, who has 3 children, would choose to join a company that earns an income of as much as $20.000/month.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, humans think that job satisfaction is more important than

money

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

, they usually prioritise their happiness above doing something

due to

Linking Words

they want to have a more balanced personal life. Usually,

this

Linking Words

kind of field is not similar to workers in the firm, they do not need to dress well in formal ways and lack stress.

For example

Linking Words

, to release their emotions, musicians would write a song depending on what they feel and they would get

money

Use synonyms

from it.

However

Linking Words

, the income in

this

Linking Words

area of working is fluctuate except for the expert one. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

many people set their pay standard to look at the job, others might think first whether it would bring happiness or not.

However

Linking Words

, I believe that cash is paramount for human life and people could

also

Linking Words

buy something that would entertain them after having enough wealth.

nirmalindah

Jun 24, 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Consider clarifying your thesis statement. Instead of stating 'I agree that money is a very important consideration,' specify that you acknowledge both viewpoints but lean towards the importance of money due to its practical benefits. This will make your stance clearer to the reader.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to your thesis. For example, when discussing job satisfaction and its impact on personal life, make sure you explicitly link it back to how this might balance out the importance of having a high income.

task response

Expand on your examples to provide more detailed support for your points. For instance, when discussing the musician, explain more about how their emotional fulfillment from their job contrasts with potentially lower financial stability.

task response

The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for this task.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are effectively written, summing up the main points clearly.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
quality of life
healthcare, education, housing, and leisure activities
job satisfaction
overall well-being
motivation and productivity
positive attitude
personal life
sense of fulfillment and joy
balanced approach
compromises
finding a balance
financial stability and personal happiness

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In the future, more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Discuss both views and give your advantage and disadvantages?
It is widely believed that an increasing number of people will prefer to remain in their own countries rather than visit other countries during the holidays for certain reasons. I uphold the view that the merits of this future trend will shadow its demerits, since contribution to the locals will nourish their own economy.
7
band
You have just received a credit card statement from your bank. The statement lists a number of expensive purchases that you are sure you did not make. Write a letter to the bank manager. In the letter: • Introduce yourself. • Explain that you did not buy the items listed. • Say what you would like the bank to do to fix the problem. You do not need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,
I hope you are doing well. My name is John F Kenedy. I am the General manager of the JW Marriott hotels and resorts located on the north side of Park Road in downtown, San Fransisco.
6
band
New stories on TV and in newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. What is your opinion about this?
In our contemporary world, we witness that the majority of new stories in media and newspapers are presented with pictures, and some individuals opine that this method of representation can be more influential. I agree with this viewpoint for two reasons, which I am going to describe comprehensively in the following paragraphs.
6.5
band
79.Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is argued that replacing parks and gardens which are close to the city centre with buildings is the best way to reduce the time that individuals spend travelling to work. This essay completely disagrees with this statement because it is not a healthy decision and people will still travel to other places.
7
band
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is positive or negative development?
I think it is beneficial that goods like food, cars, furniture and clothes that are produced in a certain part of the world are now available almost everywhere, which means the similarities between various countries are growing.

In the future, more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Discuss both views and give your advantage and disadvantages?

New stories on TV and in newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. What is your opinion about this?

79.Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is positive or negative development?