Nowadays people research their family history, some people say this is useless and we should instead focus on present and future generations. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
A curiosity about
one’s
past is always been people
’s gene
. Fix the agreement mistake
genes
While
the
family Correct article usage
apply
history
can tell useful information
about the medical conditions
or habitual effects, current and future
circumstances are more important than the past, because the current situation is different from the past to be based on. While
I understand that presents are more important because historical gene issues can be prevented and cured by regular check up
by modern technologies, the Correct your spelling
check-ups
history
of family
tells necessary Add an article
the family
information
about the critical conditions
or specific behaviours that people
may not aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
about
. So, Change preposition
of
people
can make adjustment
in their behavioural acts in Fix the agreement mistake
adjustments
this
present phenomenon which could affect the future
.
To know about the past is
from genetic curiosity. Even children get Verb problem
comes
curios
about their ancestors. From the past Correct your spelling
curious
history
of one’s
family, can
acknowledge Correct pronoun usage
one can
about
the family tradition Change preposition
apply
as well as
other important medical conditions
. For example
, Angelina Jolie found out about breast cancer that causing
her grandmother to Wrong verb form
caused
death
, so she frequently Replace the word
die
check
her health to prevent Change the verb form
checks
of
potential cancer. If Change preposition
apply
people
did not know about the family history
, they may not be able to prevent the historical diseases
. Therefore
, knowing about the family history
is necessary because anyone can prevent potential diseases
which were occurred within the family.
In contrast
, many people
would not care about the
family Correct article usage
apply
history
, because current and future
circumstances are more important than the past. Since the
society has changed into Correct article usage
apply
information
age, Add an article
the information
people
can gather all the information
from
just a click. Change preposition
with
This
is different from the ancestor’s generation,
because Remove the comma
apply
the
new Correct article usage
apply
diseases
are created or new issues are occurred every day. For instance
, MERS, ZIKA and SARS are the
new Correct article usage
apply
diseases
that had not been
occurred in the past Unnecessary verb
apply
history
but in this
21st century and which cure
and symptoms were more important than knowing Correct subject-verb agreement
cures
of
family histories. Change preposition
apply
As a result
of this
, people
are concentrating more with
the current situation than the past.
Even though I understand the current situations are important because Change preposition
on
this
can affect the lifestyles in the future
, knowing about the past seems also
vital. From the medical conditions
, habitual cycles and the specific characteristics can be stuck with DNAs. Once people
aware
of the Add a missing verb
are aware
information
, they can make amendment
when they make a decision in Fix the agreement mistake
amendments
a
life. Remove the article
apply
For instance
, Bill Gates’ family were
suffered from poor for a long period which were Unnecessary verb
apply
due to
laziness, so he decided to become a
rich by not being lazy and always trying to work Correct article usage
apply
for
every minute. If he Change preposition
apply
was
unaware of Verb problem
had
the
family Change the word
his
history
and family characteristics, he would never be
able to realise his Wrong verb form
have been
potentials
which Fix the agreement mistake
potential
were
hidden inside Correct subject-verb agreement
was
of
his DNAs. Change preposition
apply
Thus
, I believe that knowing of family history
is necessary in order to acknowledge of
Change preposition
apply
one’s
full information
.
In conclusion, currently
we are facing different issues which have not been dealt Add a comma
currently,
in
the past. Change preposition
with in
Thus
, knowing about the current and future
seems important. However
, acknowledge
Wrong verb form
acknowledging
of
the past is more important because Change preposition
apply
one’s
family history
contains the full information
about one’s
self without taking a
time to analyse Correct article usage
the
in
every Change preposition
apply
aspects
. Change to a singular noun
aspect
This
information
can be useful to make a decision or to live in
a lifestyle because Change preposition
apply
people
can change their behaviours by acknowledging the information
and
which can affect the foreseeable circumstances.Correct word choice
apply
Submitted by angelacalcaterra46 on
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coherence
Ensure clarity by breaking down sentences that seem too lengthy or overly complex. Short, precise sentences can often convey ideas more effectively.
cohesion
Improve the flow of the essay by using more varied transition words and phrases. This will help in making the essay more cohesive and easier to read.
task response
While relevant examples are provided, ensure they are directly tied back to the main point being discussed to strengthen the argument presented.
task response
The essay provides a balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument and giving a clear opinion.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clear, framing the essay's main points effectively.
task response
The use of real-world examples, such as Angelina Jolie and Bill Gates, helps in illustrating the points made.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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