Nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The topic of whether youngsters are becoming more uncontrollable
due to
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their
parents
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' hectic schedule bears consideration.
This
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essay agrees with
this
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statement, as lack of supervision and emotional neglect make them feel solitude,
although
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some still believe younger people are badly influenced by their peers and the media. One of the core reasons is that the increasing demands of work have led to many
parents
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spending less time with their
children
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.
In other words
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, when
parents
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are constantly working, they are physically and emotionally absent from the home environment.
This
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leads to poor supervision, as there is no one to correct
misbehavior
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misbehaviour
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, and poor habits may develop.
For example
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, in the USA, where many
children
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are left
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have left
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alone
due to
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both
parents
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working,
this
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has been associated with poor
behavioral
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behavioural
show examples
outcomes. Another point worth considering is that limited emotional connection may lead to neglect. To be more specific,
children
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may feel ignored by their
parents
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and try to get attention by acting out.
As a result
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, aggressive tendencies and low self-esteem may form.
For instance
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, in the UK, many
children
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whose
parents
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work long hours face serious
behavioral
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behavioural
show examples
issues.
However
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, some argue that
children
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are more strongly influenced by peers and social media.
This
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is because time spent online or with friends often exceeds time with family.
While
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this
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influence is significant, it can still be moderated through proper parental involvement and consistent communication. In conclusion,
although
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peer and media influence plays a role, lack of supervision and emotional connection
due to
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parents
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' career demands is a more direct and powerful cause of undisciplined
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
in
children
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.

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task achievement
Make sure that all main points are fully developed and explained. Some readers may want more detail on how emotional neglect affects children's behavior.
coherence
Try to improve the connectivity between paragraphs. Use clearer linking phrases to guide the reader through your ideas better.
task achievement
Expand your example to include more than just one. This can make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is very good for the reader.
task achievement
You provided a good mix of reasons and examples that relate to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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