IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows how UK citizens divide their time each week. The bar graph shows how many hours they spend on health and fitness.

The pie chart below shows how UK citizens divide their time each week. The bar graph shows how many hours they spend on health and fitness.
#uk #citizens #time #week #bar #hours #health #fitness
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The pie chart illustrates the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
UK
Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
 spend on each activity each
week
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the histogram depicts the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on activity for well-being, categorised by gender and age.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie chart and histogram clearly show that
UK
Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
 spent the lowest proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 on well-being activities and the most
time
Use synonyms
 on these when they were 18-24. Meanwhile, men spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
 and workouts than women when they are young;
this
Linking Words
 trend reverses when they are older.
Time
Use synonyms
 spent on workouts and other
health
Use synonyms
 activities of
UK
Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for the two lowest
Use synonyms
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 spent on
activity
Add an article
the activity
an activity
show examples
, about 4 and 3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively.
Linking Words
While they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 spend 61
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Sleeping, which is the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 proportion of the
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
week
Use synonyms
. Male
UK
Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
'
time
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 spent on
health
Use synonyms
 and well-being distribution tend to be more active than females when they are young, about 2
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
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 more and 1 hour per
week
Use synonyms
 when they are 18 and 18 to 24, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, women spend about 2
hours
Use synonyms
 more than men when they are 25-39 and 40-54. Interestingly, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
average
time
Use synonyms
 spent on
health
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, fitness and food preparation of
UK
Use synonyms
citizens
Use synonyms
 is more than 11
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 when they were 18-24.
Submitted by thitiwatkem on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, uk, citizens, week, hours, health with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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