IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows how UK citizens divide their time each week. The bar graph shows how many hours they spend on health and fitness.

The pie chart below shows how UK citizens divide their time each week. The bar graph shows how many hours they spend on health and fitness.
#uk #citizens #time #week #bar #hours #health #fitness
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of
time
UK
citizens
 spend on each activity each
week
,
while
 the histogram depicts the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
hours
 spent on activity for well-being, categorised by gender and age.
Overall
, the pie chart and histogram clearly show that
UK
citizens
 spent the lowest proportion of
time
 on well-being activities and the most
time
 on these when they were 18-24. Meanwhile, men spend more
time
 on
health
 and workouts than women when they are young;
this
 trend reverses when they are older.
Time
 spent on workouts and other
health
 activities of
UK
citizens
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for the two lowest
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 spent on
activity
Add an article
the activity
an activity
show examples
, about 4 and 3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively.
While they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 spend 61
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Sleeping, which is the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 proportion of the
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
week
. Male
UK
citizens
'
time
 spent on
health
 and well-being distribution tend to be more active than females when they are young, about 2
hours
 per
week
 more and 1 hour per
week
 when they are 18 and 18 to 24, respectively.
On the other hand
, women spend about 2
hours
 more than men when they are 25-39 and 40-54. Interestingly, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
average
time
 spent on
health
, fitness and food preparation of
UK
citizens
 is more than 11
hours
 per
week
 when they were 18-24.
Submitted by thitiwatkem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, uk, citizens, week, hours, health with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!