Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions

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Some people claim that

children

Use synonyms

should make their own choices on everyday

matters

Use synonyms

which play crucial roles in their lives. Others believe that it can lead to a society filled with selfish individuals. In my opinion, letting

children

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Change the verb form

apply

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make decisions about their different daily

matters

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can be beneficial rather than harmful. The reasons for my opinion will be discussed in

this

Linking Words

essay. Obviously, when kids choose, they may make a wrong choice, which can teach them valuable lessons.

In other words

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, wrong decisions can foster cognitive skills in kids, helping them realize what works best for them.

for example

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, when a little girl decides to wear clothes with a specific

color

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colour

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or design, she can learn what

color

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colour

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or design suits her the best in the future.

In addition

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, raising a sense of responsibility can be another effect of

this

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idea. When

children

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make an incorrect decision, they cannot blame others for it.

Thus

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, they have to accept the consequences of their decision, as they themselves wanted it.

Finally

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children

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who choose on their own

matters

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are more likely to become independent adults in the future. Because they don't rely on their parents for the most ordinary choices from an early age.

According to

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experts, people who love and care about themselves primarily are more accepted and even loved in society. The reason for

this

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is that they have a higher self-esteem.

Furthermore

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, they are more capable of loving others, as they have already fulfilled their own needs and wishes.

For instance

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, more students with poor confidence are affected by bullying at school. In conclusion, There are several benefits to allowing

children

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to decide about their own

matters

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. It is important to let them learn from their mistakes and

also

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become more responsible, independent and confident through it.

Submitted by ava.saljoughi on Tue Sep 17 2024

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task achievement

While the essay is effective in discussing both views and providing a clear opinion, you could further develop each argument to provide more depth and detail. This would help to illustrate your points more thoroughly and make your essay more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph sticks to one idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next. Consider adding linking phrases between your points to improve the flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow and understand.

task achievement

Your response demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints. This is important for achieving a high score in task achievement.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Autonomy
Consequence-awareness
Self-centered
Informal decision-making education
Child development
Age-appropriate choices
Cognitive growth
Fostering independence
Parental guidance
Societal norms
Interpersonal consideration
Balance of freedom
Individualism versus collectivism
Experience-based learning

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