Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is argued by some that by building more sports facilities, improvement in
overall
public health
can be achieved. Others suggest to look
for alternate approaches as more facilities would not have a significant impact. Change the verb form
looking
While
building more activity centres would help people stay fit, I believe that constructing more modern public healthcare units will benefit individuals in this
regard.
Gyms and fitness studios can assist folks in maintaining physical health
through various workouts like weight training and cardio etc. Working out on a regular basis or at proper intervals ensures that some concerns like cholesterol, orthopaedic pain, and even mental well being
etc are in check. Add a hyphen
well-being
As a result
, the physiological and psychological conditions of a human are improved here. For example
, a study by AIIMS Delhi stated that Chandigarh, a state of India, has seen the least admits in public and private hospitals because of their constant focus on enrolling their people in to
Join the words
into
a
Akhadas, a kind of Correct article usage
apply
an
open gym. Correct article usage
apply
However
, this
is not sufficient because fatal health
issues cannot be treated by simply hitting to
the gym.
Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, state authorities should look towards establishing new hospitals and nursing homes which are state-of-the-art. As the number increases, more hospital beds would
be available. Wrong verb form
will
Hence
, citizens would be able to undergo more medical scrutinies
Fix the agreement mistake
scrutiny
and
routine follow-ups and much more. Correct word choice
apply
This
in turn would uplift lift the average health
index of the society. For instance
, during the Covid-19
pandemic's second wave in 2021, every country around the world required more hospital beds than ever to cater to patients affected by the flu. Because of Correct your spelling
COVID-19
this
demand, many fitness studios were converted to treatment centres to take in more patients. This
is why, I believe that more modern public health
clinics are required over sports facilities.
In conclusion, we require more investments in the healthcare domain to build more modern hospitals to better the average physiological conditions of a region, and only relying on building activity centres is ill-advised.Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that your ideas are consistently developed throughout the essay. You can elaborate a bit more on how sports facilities may indirectly affect serious health issues as well.
task achievement
Make sure to balance the discussion a bit more by providing additional perspectives or counterarguments for both sides.
general
Work on complex sentence structure and vocabulary to make your essay more sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Excellent use of specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly conveyed and comprehensively discussed.