IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, young people are richer, they have not only security but also they are healthier than ever before. However, they seem unhappy. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to overcome this problem?

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In many countries, the young generation is rich, secure and healthy,
however
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, they are not happy. The main reasons behind
this
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 issue are that young
people
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 do not want to
work
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 hard, and they ignore their spiritual
health
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. Young
people
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 should engage in social
work
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 and practice
meditation
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 because these will help them to become happy. These days, young
people
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 do not believe in hard
work
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, and they want to achieve everything without any effort. Achieving something without any effort makes them unhappy because they do not have any contribution to it.
Moreover
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, today, young
people
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 ignore their spiritual well-being. They do not practice any habits to take care of their spiritual
health
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such
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 as
meditation
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 or prayer. Practising these habits enhances spiritual
health
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 and makes a person happy and content.
For example
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, in Bangladesh, young
people
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 from rural areas who pray are happier than young
people
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 from urban areas who do not pray. Young
people
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 should be engaged in social
work
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 because it will provide them with happiness. There is always happiness in helping others and bringing changes in
people
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's lives.
Moreover
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, the young generation should take care of their spiritual
health
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 because it will help them to become happy and content. They can practice
meditation
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 to improve their spiritual
health
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.
For instance
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, in Australia, young
people
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 have said that practising
meditation
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 has improved their spiritual
health
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 a lot.
To conclude
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, if young
people
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 believe in working hard to achieve anything, and take care of their spiritual
health
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, they will be happy. Helping others and practising
meditation
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 can help in
this
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 regard.

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task achievement
When discussing why young people might be unhappy despite being rich, secure, and healthy, you could include more varied reasons such as the impact of social media, high expectations, and the lack of deep human connections.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific and additional examples that relate directly to your points, to further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay flows well, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to improve the connection between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the main problem and outlines the reasons you will discuss, making it easy for the reader to understand the essay's direction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your main points, and a strong conclusion that summarizes your arguments effectively.
task achievement
The use of specific examples (Bangladesh, Australia) makes your arguments more convincing and relatable.
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