IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drinks contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that several manufactured foodstuffs include high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which might be detrimental to our health.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with the fact that these
products
Use synonyms
 should be made more expensive to encourage consumers to avoid them. It is conspicuous that increasing groceries which contain a high rate of
sugar
Use synonyms
 will deter the community from buying them.
This
Linking Words
 is because the consumer's choices usually depend on prices.Indeed, low costs are always more attractive than high ones. At the same time
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
, which is harmful to our well-being is generally affordable for the community. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, if the price increases, the population will be less attracted to these
food
Use synonyms
 items, which will lead to lower consumption.
For example
Linking Words
, it was witnessed that the surge in tobacco prices induced a noteworthy decrease in the rate of smokers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , many others claim that uplifting prices may absolutely not be as effective as a single reform. In fact, the price may be a consequential criterion for households when doing their shopping, it is not the only one though.
This
Linking Words
 is why it would be relevant to set up awareness campaigns to deter people from buying these detrimental
products
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they will understand that getting
food
Use synonyms
 which is full of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is equal to buying diabetes and numerous other diseases in packaging.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it would be pertinent to introduce a subject about health in the schooling curriculum.It will certainly enhance pupils' knowledge about
food
Use synonyms
 and how to choose healthy
products
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it would be undoubtedly effective to make sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive in order to encourage the community to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can't be enough to increase costs. Other methods should be used to achieve
this
Linking Words
 aim.It is crystal clear that the public has to be aware that their health depends on what they eat.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Consider adding more specific examples or data to substantiate your points. This can help in strengthening your argument regarding the effectiveness of price increases on consumption habits.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure clarity by simplifying certain phrases. For instance, 'getting food which is full of sugar is equal to buying diabetes and numerous other diseases in packaging' can be rephrased for clearer comprehension.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear stance on the issue, with an appropriate introduction and conclusion.
logical structure
The arguments are logically structured, connecting the idea of increased pricing to a decrease in sugary product consumption.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: