IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this isa positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #isa #development
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There is no doubt that these days most people prefer
transfer
Add the particle
to transfer
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 many benefits ,which leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 numbers of population in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.The question is ,
is
Verb problem
can
show examples
 immigration from rural to urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
can be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development ? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides and draw my perspective. There are several positive points of
movening
Correct your spelling
moving
 to
cities
Use synonyms
 .The main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 to support
this
Linking Words
 claim , moving from
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to
cities
Use synonyms
letting
Verb problem
allows
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to explore and obtain many opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
 , the number of occupations in the city
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 higher compared to the rural area ,resulting in desire the
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 to move to
cities
Use synonyms
 in order to enhance their income .
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 reason is ,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 contain several facilities
help
Correct pronoun usage
that help
show examples
 to improve the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 life .To
illustrat
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, the availability of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports and entertainment facilities asset to elevate the level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , there are adverse
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development when the population in the
countryside
Use synonyms
is decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
 and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 ,
firstly
Linking Words
 , the traffic
wil
Correct your spelling
will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly increase and cause a lot of
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
.other wise
Correct your spelling
.otherwise
, it can
be results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 pollution leading to spread the
disease
Change preposition
of disease
show examples
Also
Linking Words
 the computation among people will increase which cause a mental issue
such
Linking Words
 as depression and anxiety. In conclusion , I could say that the deterioration of the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 in need
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 consideration so the government should
be suspended
Wrong verb form
suspend
show examples
 people who live in rural areas by improving the level of living.
Submitted by aldossaryfaten95 on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses the topic and the question. You've touched on many points, but some of them could be more focused to better align with the task.
coherence cohesion
Try to present your ideas in a clear and logical manner. Group similar ideas together and use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good for the essay structure.
task achievement
You've managed to cover both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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