Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is an
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
that is
it necessary to spend time
on party
. Add an article
the party
a party
Although
some individuals think we should not waste money on it as we should focus on the things that
is
more important, I agree with other Change the verb form
are
people
's view because such
social communication could help people
approach each other to achieve some works
.
On the one hand, some Fix the agreement mistake
work
people
believe that it is wasting time
and money to attend birthday celebration
and weddings. Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
This
is because as young people
, we should pay more attention to improve
ourselves. The limited Wrong verb form
improving
time
and money should be used in
learning, exercising, or travelling. Change preposition
for
For example
, the masters in each field were all focusing on the field they interested
Add a missing verb
were interested
,
Change preposition
in, then
then
they made
Verb problem
had
a
great success in that domain. A Chinese great author LU Xun said, 'Correct article usage
apply
my
success is only because I would like to spend more Capitalize word
My
time
on writing while
others enjoy the party.'
On the other hand
, some others think it is also
important to make some cost in social, especially for young people
. Attending celebrations is an essential way to expand a person's social net. It can help people
to know each other and improve teenagers
and young Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
adults
communication skills. Change noun form
adults'
adult's
Additionally
, through various activities, a person can obtain much more information than isolated individuals, which could help them achieve some goals effencently
. Correct your spelling
efficiently
For example
, the famous ex-president of US
, JFK, whose father support himCorrect article usage
the US
a
large amount of funding to socialise during his student period, which Change preposition
with a
build
a great basis to help him to be president.
In conclusion, it could cost a lot to attend Change the verb form
builds
party
and young Add an article
the party
a party
people
should focus on some more significant things, whereas
the other view think
it is Change the verb form
thinks
also
important for young people
to attend various celebrations. I agree with the latter as various activities could improve people
's communication skills and also
help people
to achieve some goals.Submitted by 2587729786 on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to avoid grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures as they might affect readability.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but try to ensure that all points are elaborated with ample examples and explanations.
task achievement
You could provide a few more specific examples to support your ideas comprehensively and make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a well-reasoned opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively encapsulate the main points of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples such as the quotes from Lu Xun and JFK, which add credibility to your arguments.
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