In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
It is argued that
although
there have been developments in agricultural areas, numerous human beings still lack food in the world. In my opinion, this
problem is caused by a lack of money and area. For these reasons, richer nations
would provide job opportunities to these people
, and help them to reach clean water
.
Not having enough money is always one of the biggest problems for unwealthy countries. As they don’t
chance to earn money, they wouldn’t be able to keep farming with better tools. For instance
, in some villages in Turkey, citizens are still using basic materials to farm, because they don’t
have enough earnings. A second reason would be the issue of finding appropriate areas for agriculture. Some regions in the world have appropriate soil to let residents grow vegetables and fruits freely, therefore
sell them and get an income. For example
, in most parts of Africa, the soil is too dry to plant seeds and farm them. Moreover
, the people
who live in these parts are not able to use evolved agricultural tools.
Firstly
, wealthy countries should offer them occupations. Wealthy nations
have lots of fabricas and they can build one of them in these poor countries, so then
provide different kinds of jobs to not let these people
be hungry anymore. I would give Bangladesh as an exemplification of this
solution. Some big companies set up their buildings in this
country and announced that the citizens can
work in these companies. Wrong verb form
could
Secondly
, all rich nations
can help these people
to find clean water
in their region. Agriculture requires water
to plant seeds, and feed animals. If clean water
is not reachable
, farms won’t be able to use developed materials.
Correct word choice
available
To conclude
, even though agriculture evolved over time, there is still a big population who don’t
consume enough food. The reasons why they don’t
would be low incomes and unavailable areas, and the solutions could be better occupations and clean water
sources provided by wealthy nations
.Submitted by busrasenturk1 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that the essay flows well from one idea to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly. Avoid abrupt changes between ideas which can confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, you should work on crafting a more definitive thesis statement that clearly sets out the main argument or stance. The conclusion can be strengthened by summarizing the main points concisely and reinforcing the overall argument or stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your main points more thoroughly. Each paragraph should center on one main idea and expand upon it with more detailed explanations, deeper analysis, and varied sentence structures. Use more complex language and sentence structures to add depth to your writing.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. While you have provided an opinion and proposed solutions, the essay would benefit from a deeper exploration of the issue at hand. More detail and development in each paragraph would help to create a more insightful response.
task achievement
When discussing ideas, aim to be clear and comprehensive. While you have identified problems and possible solutions, strive to explain these in greater detail, so the reader can fully understand your argument. Be sure to articulate your ideas clearly and back them up with logical reasoning.
task achievement
Make sure to employ relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. The examples used should be concrete and directly related to the topic, helping to strengthen your argument. Avoid vague references and aim for precision and relevance in each instance you bring up.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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