Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
As committing
crime
has become a major concern among people,addressing this
problem by either
numerous or minor movements has become a debatable topic.Although
it can be well done by small
actions
,there are still important roles of more actions
. This
essay displays both sides of the consequences and will give my personal opinion.
It is possible to prevent offences by taking minor actions
, such
as organizing conversations or
adding extra lessons in schools.For instance
, many crimes
are driven due to
the
human nature and behaviour.By having regular discussions or additional sessions from an early age, children can
learn about the negative consequences of committing a Correct article usage
apply
crime
.However
,this
type of approach compels
better understanding and awareness of committing crimes
.As a result
, the crime
rate could
significantly decrease as individuals become more mindful of their actions
and their consequences.
On the other hand
,several movements which are taken by the government may be effective too.Harsher penalties for crimes
as well as
surveillance can decrease criminal activities.For example
,monitoring or observing individuals or groups of people via surveillance drones,and cameral online devices is also
helpful to decrease the level of crimes
in society and due to
the heavy fines, people will start controlling themselves and their actions
with the purpose of not paying such
an expensive amount.In addition
,If policies or authorities tend to impose discipline in society,then
there will not be such
misunderstandings and illegal movements.Consequently
,taking control by the government will be an effective option to prevent crime
in the cities.
In conclusion, I believe both approaches—organizing sessions and conversations, as well as
using heavily
fines—would be effective options to reduce offences in society. Change the word
heavy
Additionally
, surveillance on social media, which is used to monitor illegal activities online, further
helps to prevent crime
by identifying potential threats .Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your introduction is generally clear, but it can benefit from smoother sentence structure and more clarity in outlining both perspectives. Try to state your thesis more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs lack smooth transitions between ideas. Consider using linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. The examples you mentioned are good but could be more detailed to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of your ideas. Some sentences seem to jump from one point to another without a clear connection.
task response
Your conclusion is strong, but it can be more detailed to clearly summarize your main points. Make sure it recaps the arguments discussed and reiterates your stance more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor grammar and punctuation errors to enhance readability.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
task response
You have made a clear attempt to provide solutions for crime prevention, demonstrating thoughtful engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion revisits the discussed points and attempts to close the discussion, which is a good practice.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.