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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that schools should focus more on teaching academic subjects like science and mathematics, rather than practical skills such as cooking or carpentry. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying that education systems have advanced significantly in recent years to improve learning outcomes.
While
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 some argue that schools should prioritize academic
subjects
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such
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 as science and mathematics, others believe that practical skills deserve equal attention. In my view, schools should maintain a balance between academic and practical learning to support
students
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’
overall
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 development. On the one hand, promoting physical and practical
subjects
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 contributes to a well-rounded education.
For example
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, physical education helps
students
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 maintain their fitness, which is closely linked to cognitive performance and mental health.
Additionally
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, offering
subjects
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 like music, cooking, or carpentry allows
students
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 to explore creative and hands-on learning experiences that may not be available in purely academic environments. These
subjects
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 not only diversify
students
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’ skill sets but
also
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 prepare them for real-life situations.
On the other hand
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, focusing heavily on practical
subjects
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 may place additional pressure on
students
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 who are already coping with demanding academic content. Science and mathematics require time and mental effort, and adding more compulsory
subjects
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 could overwhelm
students
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.
Moreover
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, some practical skills can be learned outside of school, through workshops or self-directed learning.
For instance
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, a student interested in carpentry can gain experience during holidays or attend community classes without needing to study it formally in school. In conclusion,
although
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 academic
subjects
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 are undeniably important, incorporating practical skills into school curricula helps
students
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 develop both intellectually and socially. A balanced approach that includes both areas can enrich
students
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' educational experience and better prepare them for life beyond the classroom.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, especially in the practical skills section. This could enhance the relevance of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to your main thesis to strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the main argument and sets the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
You effectively discuss the benefits of both academic and practical subjects, presenting a balanced viewpoint.
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