Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small. local business are unable to compete. some people think that the closure of local business will bring death of the local communities. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Due to
the increase and progression of retail markets in various nations, numerous local businesses are not willing to compete. From some people's perspective decline of public business will bring death to the local population. I completely agree with this
view as local people need to get a chance to promote their business
or the number of immigrants will continue to expand. I will support my opinion with arguments in the essay below.
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
To begin
with, it can be clearly seen that the rich are becoming more wealthy and the poor are more poorer nowadays. The reason behind this
is that the government do not pay heed to the local community. For instance
, corruption and bribes by well-known companies blurred officials. For example
, in the case of quality, some local brands are even better rather than famous ones, But continuously getting ignored by organizations forcing them to commit serious crimes such
as murder of company CEOs and owners etc. So, the crime rate and legal activities have also
been rising due to
neglecting of government administrators.
Secondly
, research has shown that the migration of youth from numerous countries has been expanding day by day. Talented and young people did not get opportunities to represent their talent to the world. Furthermore
, moving abroad is the viable solution that came to their mind to have a better lifestyle. As a notable example, in Pakistan, about 50,000 students moved to another country for better resources, and opportunities to start their own businesses and get noticed as renowned brands.
In conclusion, government
is accountable for giving equal reforms to both local and well-known businesses. Add an article
the government
Moreover
, if organizations do not apply these things, the illegal activities and the adults who are the backbone of any country will continue to move on to another nation which provide them with better resources and opportunities.Submitted by kirivlogs0 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay generally responds well to the task. However, ensure that each point is fully developed with more detailed explanations and specific examples.
task achievement
Aim to develop ideas more comprehensively. Sometimes your points could be clearer and more thoroughly explained.
coherence cohesion
There are minor issues with the logical flow of ideas. Try to use more cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Some points could be more effectively linked to ensure a more coherent structure. Consider using clearer topic sentences and concluding sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, which is commendable.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant points and attempts to address both sides of the argument.