IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In the modern days, everybody wants to become an engineer and doctor to serve the nation and get better career opportunities,
However
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, it has been experienced a majority of pupils are not interested in
science
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subjects
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due to
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 not getting
admission
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 in their dream
courses
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. There are many
causes
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such
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 as all
science
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students
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 being unable to get
admission
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 to their favourite professions
courses
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.
Due to
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 less interest in these
subjects
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, the
country
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 suffers from many issues
such
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 as a shortage of doctors, engineers, and scientists. I will outline two
causes
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 and negative effects on the
country
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. Certainly, there are many
causes
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 for to shortage of scientists ,doctors, and engineers. The main important reason is that many
students
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 passed previous
science
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subjects
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 and had dreams to get
admission
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 to engineering colleges and medical institutions but
due to
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 limited seats available in the
country
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, they cannot get
admission
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 to these institutions.
For example
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, in India every year millions of
students
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 pass
science
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subjects
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 and
due to
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 fewer medical and engineering positions available in these universities, all of them are unable to get
admission
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. Another reason is
science
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subjects
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 require more time and dedication to pass and many
students
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 cannot spend time to pass these
courses
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 because they know after passing they will not get
admission
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 to their favourite
courses
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some effects on society. The primary reason is countries cannot produce required
professionals
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such
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 as doctors, engineers, and scientists and they have to depend on immigrants to run their economy and look after their
citizens
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.
For instance
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, in the year 2020 COVID-19 came into effect all over the world and many
citizens
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 died
due to
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 the shortage of medical and scientific
professionals
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 because every
country
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 needs
professionals
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 to look after their
citizens
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.
As a result
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, there was a huge loss of people and nations' economies. In conclusion, following the analysis the
causes
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such
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 as
science
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 need more hard work and if
students
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 are unable to get preferred
subjects
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 in universities, they will not register for
science
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subjects
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,
however
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, it puts an extra burden on society to bring overseas
professionals
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 to look after their
citizens
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 and boost the economy of the
country
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is presented logically throughout the essay. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs can be more seamless to enhance readability.
task achievement
Work on presenting your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Some sentences are a bit convoluted and can be phrased more clearly to avoid confusion.
task achievement
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your writing. Additionally, make sure to elaborate a bit more on some of the examples provided to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both causes and effects, providing a balanced response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion framing the main body paragraphs effectively.
task achievement
Your essay reflects a good understanding of the topic, and the examples given, though they could be elaborated on more, are relevant and meaningful.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
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