Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many processed foods and drinks are rich in
sugar
, leading to dire consequences for our health. Some people
take the view that in order to reduce sugar
consumption, sugary products
should be more expensive than they used to be. I completely disagree with this
idea and this
essay explains my reasons.
One reason why I think it is not a good idea to increase
the prices
of food
containing sugar
is that sugar
has its own advantages for our body like other nutrients. In fact, our body requires a certain level of sugar
every day to increase
our energy in order to do our daily routine, implementing a tax on these types of food
or other measures to increase
their prices
cause people
not to satisfy their body needs for sugar
, especially poor people
, leading to severe headache and lack of energy for doing their daily task.
Additionally
, increasing the prices
of sugary products
can increase
the risk of going bankrupt in the food
industry. As a substantial portion of their profits comes from sugary products
. if they cannot offer affordable products
, they won't gain the market share and customers will take their business elsewhere
, resulting in economic challenges for those related to the food
industry in the country.
Although
some people
believe that increasing the prices
of sugary food
can impose a financial burden, forcing them not to purchase these foods, this
may be true for the lowest-income group, while
middle and high-income individuals continue to purchase them.
In conclusion, I believe that increasing the prices
of sugary food
not only poses economic challenges for a country but also
contributes to decreased energy levels among its citizens. rather than solely relying on taking, raising awareness about health is more effective.Submitted by TUTOO on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay maintains a clear and logical structure, there is room for improvement in coherence and cohesion. Try to use more transitional phrases and linking words to make your points flow more smoothly from one to the other.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to fully address the task, and your ideas are clear and mostly comprehensive. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could include statistics or studies related to the impact of high sugar consumption or the economic consequences of increased prices.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a little more nuance. While you have stated your opinion clearly, it would be useful to address counterarguments in more depth. This can help make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which are important elements of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported and relevant to the topic, indicating a good understanding of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.