Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to take care of themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Certain
people
believe that younger generations ought to provide for their elders, once they lose the capability to do it themselves. Past several years trend among youth steadily increased, by taking responsibility for older family members. I completely agree with the mentioned statement. Analyzing the advantages of a secure retirement, as well as
the obligation that younger people
take on themselves, will prove my point.
The principal argument is based on securing the remaining years of human lives by giving a lead to younger family members over one’s being. Again, both parties can benefit from it; a young adult taking over responsibility for someone’s life,
will secure their own life with their kids when the time comes. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, in Eastern Europe, it is a widespread practice for many generations, that gave an opportunity for many elders to retire with honour.
Furthermore
, it might be a useful exercise for young generations, to mature faster and learn to rely only on themselves. Many researchers declare, that the rise of obligations directly correlates with success in people
's careers. For example
, the pressure created by dependent people
on one’s life might be a pushing mechanism for following achievements and goals. What again, will be profitable for future endeavours as for descendants.
In conclusion, some Change the punctuation
?
people
express the importance of young people
committing themselves to helping seniors, if they can’t take care of themselves. Two strong arguments safe retirement and personal development as a strong character prove the previously mentioned idea. The latest research predicts, that in the next decade, a spike of older people
moving to their kids is up to 7%.Submitted by elza.nikk on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from clearer and more nuanced examples to fully illustrate the points being made. For example, specific examples from different cultures or contexts would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay's ideas are somewhat clear but can be further clarified through more specific language and examples. Avoid general statements and strive for more precise terms that directly relate to the main points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow and connection between paragraphs. Adding topic sentences and transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your points seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Add more specific examples to support your main points and thus make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue from the introduction and maintains this position throughout.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and summarize the essay's main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
There’s a logical structure to the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct argument, which is good for clarity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!