IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for students to go to private secondary schools, but others think that it has negative effects. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #students #schools #effects #points
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I agree that sending
students
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 to private secondary
schools
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 has benefits, and I
also
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 agree that sending them to
such
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schools
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 has negative effects. In
this
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 essay, I shall look at these benefits and drawbacks. The main benefit of sending
students
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 to private
schools
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 is that the quality of education there is generally better. It is natural that wealthier
parents
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 should want their children to go to the best school that they can afford. Private
schools
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, since they charge
parents
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 directly rather than relying on the government for money, can charge higher fees. Part of these fees is generally used to pay teachers a higher salary than they would get in the
state
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 sector.
This
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 means that
,
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apply
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 generally speaking, private
schools
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 have better teachers than
state
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 ones.
This
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 should be, and usually is, reflected in higher exam results for
students
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 at private
schools
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. A beneficial side effect of
this
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 is that
parents
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 who send their children to private
schools
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 are still paying for
state
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 ones through taxes. The main disadvantage of a private school, in my opinion, is that the
students
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 there may not reflect society as a whole.
Instead
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, they probably only reflect the
wealthier than average
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wealthier-than-average
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 part of society, since poorer
parents
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 cannot afford to send their children there.
This
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 can lead to
students
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 from private
schools
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 believing that they are inherently better than
students
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 from
state
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schools
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. It could
also
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 lead to suggestions that private
schools
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 are elitist. Most private
schools
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 in Britain try to overcome
such
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 criticisms by providing a certain number of places for talented
students
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 from poorer families, either at reduced fees or for no fee at all. In conclusion, I think that there are both positive and negative aspects of private
schools
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.
Generally
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Generally,
show examples
 though, I think that they are a good thing.
Submitted by camilaaranzazur on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, mentioning statistics or case studies related to private versus state school performance would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
In terms of clarity, try to elaborate a bit more on the ideas presented. Adding a few more sentences to explain complex points can provide a clearer understanding for the reader.
coherence cohesion
To further enhance your essay's coherence and cohesion, you could use a wider range of transition words and phrases. This will ensure smoother connections between your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your main points from the start and provides a satisfactory closure.
coherence cohesion
You have well-supported main points and have addressed both sides of the argument balancedly. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The language used is formal and appropriate for an academic essay, which adds to the professionalism of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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