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Band 5.5

Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to modern life and not worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

#customs #behavior #life
Few argue that the importance of
customs
 and
traditions
 should not be appropriate for behaving in modern life.
Although
 I reject
this
 viewpoint to some extent, I largely concur with the idea that the originality of
customs
 and
traditions
 should not be diminished because it is a part of cultural heritage, and
this
 essay will justify my stance with examples. Exploring my main stance, one pivotal point to consider is
customs
 and
traditions
 are created from rigid configurations, but it still alive and ready to adapt for innovation in the modern era. When nations pose threats from external culture, it leads to the process of assimilation where both conventional things and new things are mixed to create new
traditions
 without changing the originality.
For example
, Japan, the most prestigious
country
, has a special attitude to always giving
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 to the older one, even though the world has changed, the inhabitants believe that older people are part of their ancestors who worked as successors in the past.
Customs
 and
Traditions
 show the uniqueness of the nations is additional justification to support
this
 side. If the
country
 diminishes its local
customs
 and
traditions
,
then
 the originality of the
country
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 would be lost. Shifting to the minor side, it is important to recognize that sometimes
customs
 and
traditions
 should not be the way of thinking about
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 because they have many drawbacks,
such
 as praying to statues and sacrificing people for ceremonial events. Not only does it prevent the
country
 from modern development But
also
 it can be categorized as negative impact on society. In conclusion, despite the relevance of
customs
 and
traditions
 not truly working amid the change of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, my significant accordance is that both of them need to be preserved because each
country
 has specific
customs
 and
traditions
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the task, but the response seems to be only partially answering the question prompt. The introduction does not clearly state your position, and it is important to ensure that your viewpoint is presented unequivocally. Make sure to re-state your thesis in the conclusion for coherence.
coherence cohesion
While some logical structure is present, the cohesion and coherence of your essay could be improved. Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each representing a central idea. Aim for a clear introductory sentence for each paragraph and use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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