IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Teenagers have problems at home and school. What difficulties are they facing now? What should parents and school do to help them

#teenagers #home #school #difficulties #parents
It is true that an increasing number of youngsters are facing different kinds of issues in their school
as well as
 personal lives in the modern world. There are several problems in their life, these issues would be mitigated with the aid of
parents
 and schools through various methods. To commence with, many teenagers struggle during the early stages of their lives
due to
 various issues. First and foremost, the mental stress to perform better in studies at home. To elaborate, every parent wants to make sure that their children become successful in their lives. So, family members often put pressure on their loved ones to achieve top grades, disregarding the fact that not everyone can attain them.
Moreover
, teachers pressurized their students at school as well to cover a huge syllabus of all academic subjects. Each and every youngster has his own interests and skill sets that are not considered. Whenever they are not able to score in
this
 complex curriculum, they become the victims of depression and anxiety.
However
,
parents
 and schools should try numerous ways to overcome
this
 problem. The prominent one is that
parents
 should motivate children to just give their best in the school curriculum and give them a chance to live independently where they can grow at their own pace. It always helps them to keep mentally healthy.
Furthermore
, schools should be less strict regarding covering the syllabus and must adopt easy ways to teach them.
In addition
, educators should focus on the young one's interests and skills and must try to polish them. So that they can achieve success in their fields.
For example
, some teenagers are good at sports and music
instead
 of academic subjects. They have the potential to become good singers and sports players in the near future. In conclusion, I reiterate that the pressure of performing better and a complex curriculum causes mental stress and depression in young ones.
Parents
 and educators should try to motivate them and must behave in a friendly way.
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
In your essay, ensure you're directly addressing all aspects of the prompt thoroughly. While you've covered the main difficulties faced by teenagers, delving into more specific examples or showcasing a wider range of issues could enhance the completeness of your response.
Task Achievement
Aim to strengthen your argument by integrating more relevant and specific examples. This will not only make your response more convincing but also help to illustrate your points more vividly, enhancing the overall task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've structured your essay with a logical flow and presented your main points clearly, ensuring coherence throughout your writing. However, you can improve cohesion by using a wider range of linking phrases and transition words between paragraphs and within paragraphs to better connect your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
To further bolster your essay, ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and strong. While you've done well, making your thesis statement more explicit and your final summary more reflective of the essay's key points can further elevate your writing quality.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: