IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe, more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are two ways to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
: more
actions
Use synonyms
 should be taken or little
attempts
Use synonyms
 can be made.
Although
Linking Words
, to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
 more
attempts
Use synonyms
 can be
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
, little can
also
Linking Words
 prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
committing
crimes
Use synonyms
. On the one side, it is essential that more
actions
Use synonyms
 can be taken to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, there are too many criminals. To prevent them from committing a
crime
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for taking
Use synonyms
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 increase the salary of the public, most
people
Use synonyms
 may not commit any
crime
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 more
people
Use synonyms
 may commit
crimes
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 lack of money or not enough conditions in their homes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for taking more
actions
Use synonyms
. On the other side, little
attempts
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 prevent from committing
crimes
Use synonyms
. Most
children
Use synonyms
 commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 because of their bad nature or lack of education. Parents should teach their
children
Use synonyms
 from an early age.
For example
Linking Words
, if parents do something
firstly
Linking Words
 themselves,
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 do
this
Linking Words
 activity. Because
children
Use synonyms
 get everything from their parents. If
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the home
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
good
Change the word
well
show examples
nurture
Wrong verb form
nurtured
show examples
 and enough things
,
Add a missing verb
are, children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 may not commit any
crime
Use synonyms
. So,
firstly
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should start by themselves to prevent
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
 committing
crimes
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are two ways to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
: taking more
actions
Use synonyms
 or little can be done, too.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should be responsible for making
attempts
Use synonyms
 to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
. But
firstly
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should start to prevent their
children
Use synonyms
 from committing
crimes
Use synonyms
, by themselves. It can be an effective way to teach or prevent their
children
Use synonyms
 from committing
crimes
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity and cohesion of your arguments. Sometimes your points are not expressed as clearly as they could be. Pay close attention to sentence structure and word choice to make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
While your essay covers both sides of the argument, it could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your points. Try to be more comprehensive in exploring each side.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant details. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion. This is a key requirement for Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Crime prevention
  • Law enforcement
  • Surveillance
  • Deterrence
  • Social services
  • Root causes
  • Community-based programs
  • Rehabilitation
  • Repeat offenses
  • Inevitable
  • Crime statistics
  • Governmental power
  • Systemic issues
  • Corruption
  • Technology
  • Data analysis
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Predict and prevent
  • Privacy concerns
  • Ethical issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: