Some people believe, more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done.

There are two ways to prevent
crime
: more
actions
should be taken or little
attempts
can be made.
Although
, to prevent
crime
more
attempts
can be
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
, little can
also
prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
committing
crimes
. On the one side, it is essential that more
actions
can be taken to prevent
crime
. Nowadays, there are too many criminals. To prevent them from committing a
crime
, the
government
should be responsible for taking
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
to prevent
crime
.
For example
, if the
government
increase the salary of the public, most
people
may not commit any
crime
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
more
people
may commit
crimes
due to
lack of money or not enough conditions in their homes.
Therefore
, the
government
should be responsible for taking more
actions
. On the other side, little
attempts
can
also
prevent from committing
crimes
. Most
children
commit
crimes
because of their bad nature or lack of education. Parents should teach their
children
from an early age.
For example
, if parents do something
firstly
themselves,
children
also
do
this
activity. Because
children
get everything from their parents. If
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the home
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
good
Change the word
well
show examples
nurture
Wrong verb form
nurtured
show examples
and enough things
,
Add a missing verb
are, children
show examples
children
may not commit any
crime
. So,
firstly
people
should start by themselves to prevent
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
committing
crimes
. In conclusion, there are two ways to prevent
crime
: taking more
actions
or little can be done, too.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should be responsible for making
attempts
to prevent
crime
. But
firstly
people
should start to prevent their
children
from committing
crimes
, by themselves. It can be an effective way to teach or prevent their
children
from committing
crimes
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity and cohesion of your arguments. Sometimes your points are not expressed as clearly as they could be. Pay close attention to sentence structure and word choice to make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
While your essay covers both sides of the argument, it could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your points. Try to be more comprehensive in exploring each side.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant details. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion. This is a key requirement for Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
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