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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done.

#people #actions #crime
There are two ways to prevent
crime
: the first one is to do more
actions
 and the second one is to do little
actions
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and In my opinion, little
actions
also
 can be taken to prevent
crime
. On the one hand, it is very important and useful to take more action to prevent
crimes
. Nowadays, the number of criminals is increasing day by day. To defend
this
, the
government
 should take more action. The
government
 should increase the salary of workers. Many criminals commit
crimes
 because of a lack of money or something. If governments take more action and increase the salaries of workers, it can prevent
crimes
.
Therefore
, the
government
 should take more
actions
 to prevent
crime
.
On the other hand
, little
actions
 are
also
 important to defend against
crime
. Parents should do little
actions
 to avoid
crime
. They should start by themselves and their children take their example. Parents should teach about don't commit
crimes
. They should teach that committing
crimes
 is bad and can have very bad consequences. It is
also
 important to teach good nature. If people have a good nature and education, they know that committing
crimes
 is a bad thing,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 don't commit
crimes
.
Therefore
, parents should teach education and good nature. In conclusion, there are several reasons why
government
 should take more
actions
 to avoid
crime
. It can be very useful to do more
actions
 to prevent
crime
. There are
also
 little
actions
 which are can be done. Education can
also
 prevent
crime
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to better balance your arguments. Your essay leans more toward the side of having less action, but should equally discuss the importance of extensive actions and minor actions. Fully developed main points will greatly improve your persuasiveness.
task achievement
You need to provide more specific examples to support your claims effectively. For instance, details about successful preventative measures in certain regions or statistics on how educational programs have reduced crime rates could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical sequencing of your paragraphs. The transitions between talking about government measures and then family measures are abrupt. A more fluid transition and connection between these points would enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion that frame your essay well.
coherence cohesion
You tackled the issue from two different angles, which gives a good breadth to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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