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Band 3

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trus, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagre with this opinion?

#person #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trus #disagre
Nowadays,many people think that a
person'sworth
Correct your spelling
person
 seems to be determined by social status and material possessions.
In contrast
 to the wealth of material,old-fashioned values like honour,kindness and trust are disparaged. But is
this
 really the case? The following are my opinions.
Firstly
, those
old- fashion
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
show examples
 and excellent values actually not only shape the nature of man
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
 answer the question which is what makes man human. It is undeniable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social status and
materialpssessions
Correct your spelling
materialism
 can bring people the gloss of
surface
Correct article usage
the surface
show examples
.
However
, they may be changed over time but
great
Add an article
the great
show examples
 character has a lasting and significant impact on people's
behavor
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behaviour
 and
decision
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decisions
show examples
. History is full of great men who are remembered not for their wealth, but for what their personalities contributed to humanity.
secondly
, good qualities
contributed
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contribute
show examples
 to healthy
relationship
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relationships
show examples
 and social networks. Honesty and integrity are the basis of social trust, without which society would struggle to function. Empathy and kindness help create a more inclusive and harmonious
socia
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social
 environment. Too much emphasis on material
wealt
Correct your spelling
wealth
 may lead to
maral
Correct your spelling
moral
 degradation and social problems. In a word, we should attach importance to all-round development, pursuing not only material
progess
Correct your spelling
progress
 but
also
 the
constraction
Correct your spelling
construction
 of spiritual civilization.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
The essay does well to present a response to the task by discussing both the importance of traditional values and the overemphasis on social status and material possessions. However, to improve the completeness of the response, try to incorporate more specific examples to substantiate your points.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear, but there are some grammatical and lexical errors that can be distracting. Review your use of vocabulary and sentence structure to ensure clarity and accuracy.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more linking phrases to connect the ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
You have introduced and concluded the essay well, which positively impacts coherence. Work on ensuring each paragraph smoothly leads to the next to create a more seamless and logical flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument clearly.
supported main points
The main points are supported to some extent, showing an understanding of the task's demands.
complete response
The essay addresses the task by examining both the contemporary emphasis on social status/material possessions and the importance of traditional values.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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