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Band 3.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
In some nations in the world, buying a
house
 is more important for individuals than renting it.
This
phenamena
Correct your spelling
phenomena
phenomenon
 has several reasons, I think
this
 situation is completely positive for
people
. The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 are
firstly
Replace the adverb
first
show examples
,
People
 want to have a stable
palce
Correct your spelling
place
 to live in, They don't want to pack their belongings and move to a new
place
 every year.
Secondly
, renting a
place
 is wasting of
money
.
people
 can not take back their
money
 in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to buying a
house
. when you buy a
house
 with
Correct article usage
a
show examples
morgage
Correct your spelling
mortgage
, the
money
 you pay every month is actually kind of saving it.
finally
,
people
 love to design their own
place
 In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 buying a
house
 is more responsible than renting it. In the
scenerio
Correct your spelling
scenario
 of buying, you can save your
money
 and not
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 it in the process of moving to a new
place
,
for example
 when you move to a new
place
 you have to change the curtain you had so it can be fixed on the window of the new home. another advantage of purchasing a
house
 is that realstate market is always surging in
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 run so the buyers
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not going to lose their
money
, especially in the united states you can buy a
house
 with
90
Correct article usage
a 90
show examples
pecent morgage
Correct your spelling
per cent mortgage
 and buyers can make another profit on that too. In conclusion, if parents control children's usage of smartphones it could be a positive development for human nature.
Submitted by otwmidmail on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear, but the conclusion needs to be relevant to the body paragraphs. Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points discussed.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some paragraphs seem abrupt, and ideas could be more seamlessly linked.
relevant specific examples
The essay has covered why owning a home is important and has taken a stance on being positive. However, provide more detailed and specific examples to solidify your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
You’ve effectively highlighted why owning a house is perceived as important and provided several reasons for it.
supported main points
The essay mentions practical benefits such as stability, financial savings, and personalization of living space.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
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