IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?

#nations #countries #relief #disasters
It is often said that rich
countries
 have the responsibility of helping low-income
countries
 during natural
disasters
.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement as they are capable and they have the moral duty of protecting humanity.
Firstly
, rich
countries
 have the financial potential to help needy
countries
. They can provide emergency food boxes, shelters and other necessary items to poor
countries
.
In addition
, they can send healthcare workers and other humanitarian staff to help the
countries
 that are affected by natural
disasters
. It will result in an enhanced relationship between the two
countries
.
Moreover
, in the future, poor
countries
also
 may do something useful in return, to rich
countries
.
For example
, recently, Sri Lanka sent two elephants to Thailand as a return gift for the help received during the Tsunami.
Secondly
, every country in the world has the moral responsibility of protecting each other. All
countries
 depend on each other in some way or the other.
Therefore
, the destruction of one country certainly will affect the other country.
For example
, western
countries
 rely on Middle Eastern
countries
 for fuel. Natural
disasters
 which affect those
countries
 will affect Western
countries
 indirectly. Abandoning poor
countries
 when they are in need will lead to the disappearance of them from the earth and if
this
 continues, there will be no
countries
 on the earth.
Finally
, natural
disasters
 are mainly caused by human actions, particularly by the actions of rich
countries
. A good example is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the Tsunami was a result
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the nuclear testing done by the USA under the ocean.
Therefore
, poorer
countries
 deserve aid from wealthy
countries
. In conclusion,
countries
 with good financial status should provide their hands to developing nations when they suffer
due to
 non-manmade
disasters
 for the betterment of the world.
Submitted by gowsht on

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task achievement
Your essay responds thoroughly to the task prompt and presents a clear stance. To improve further, consider expanding the range and depth of your arguments.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, which is excellent. However, ensure that examples are presented in a clear context, and try to avoid any potentially misleading accuracy issues.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows good logical structure and flows well. However, ensure that you fully develop your ideas in each paragraph to provide a richer argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well. To further enhance coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a strong argument in favor of aiding poorer countries during natural disasters.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as Sri Lanka sending elephants to Thailand, effectively illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument coherently.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically ordered throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Humanitarian relief
  • Infrastructure
  • Global solidarity
  • Disproportionately
  • External assistance
  • Rebuilding efforts
  • Disaster response
  • Investment in stability
  • Dependency theory
  • Responsible intervention
  • Paternalistic
  • Shared humanity
  • Sovereignty
  • Capabilities
  • Fatality rates
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