IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

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Nowadays ,there are split arguments about achieving balance in the
work
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 environment and other responsibilities towards
life
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's needs.
Nevertheless
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, few individuals have over it.
This
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 statement has several causes
such
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 as full
life
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 stress on both sides that are
work
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 and home
as well as
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time
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 miss-control by using smartphones during the day.
Although
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, the solution will be presented in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, there are many reasons for underachievement
in equality
Correct your spelling
inequality
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 regarding responsibility towards career, social relationships, and personal horizon. First of all, the full pressure of
life
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 on the person plays a significant reason in poor outcomes. To explain more, if the individuals
work
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 more than 12 hours in a day with lots of assignments to do, they will not have free
time
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 to enjoy or sit with family.
For example
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, teachers
work
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 half of the day and they continue to prepare for the next session at home.
Thus
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, it is hard for them to achieve the right balance between diverse sides in
life
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 .
Moreover
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, Some employees cannot design their daily timetable which leads to a lack of achievement.
According to
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 entertainment programs that appear new, people watch their mobile phones for hours without awareness.
On the other hand
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, the solutions to
this
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 issue are many.
Firstly
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, the government should establish new systems to protect workers’ rights.
For example
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, The UAE illustrates a list of rules to keep the workplace safer and give employees Flexible
work
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time
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 that allows them to do their duties towards other personal activities.
Furthermore
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, people must ameliorate themself by putting a clear purpose to reach it and they must handle their
time
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 on useful things
such
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 as enhancing personal skills. In conclusion, to reach a satisfaction point with
work
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 and other crucial parts of a person's
life
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, they must know the causes of problems and
then
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 try hard to over them.

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task achievement
While the essay introduces the topic and states the problem well, it needs to delve deeper into the causes and provide more nuanced solutions. Try to expand on each main point with additional detail and examples.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear. Make sure each sentence directly addresses your main point and is easy to understand. Work on refining sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good structure.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the reference to teachers and the UAE's work policies, helps illustrate the points effectively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • unplug
  • boundaries
  • workplace culture
  • societal pressure
  • stress management
  • time management
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