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Band 6.5

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

#parents #children #consequences #style
Nowadays, there are many parents who buy for their
kids
 everything without limit.
This
 is a bad attitude for thriving toddlers and young people. Because
this
 makes
children
 unaccountable
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their actions, Giving
children
 everything they want is the worst thing that parents could do because, at
this
 age,
children
 need to learn about patience and discipline.
For instance
, when I was young my mother, did not give me anything until I deserved it.
This
 helps me be patient with whatever I want. And makes me appreciate all
things
 around me. So giving
children
 anything they want is a bad thing for them in the long term. They should learn a lot of principles in the first ten years about appreciating
things
 and time.
This
 kind of parenting could make
children
 more sensitive and more bullying.
As a result
 of getting anything as fast as possible,
for
this
 reason, when
things
 are late they will be aggressive. As proof, these days we see how many
kids
 crying and start a bunch just to get what they want. In view of,
this
 kind of attitude makes
children
 more abused.
To sum up
, some parents spoil the morals of
children
 by buying everything they want or by letting
kids
 do anything they want.
This
 worst thing the mother or father can do for their
kids
.
This
 is because
children
 are more abused and aggressive.
Children
 should learn to be patient and wait for the good time to have
things
 and work hard to get whatever they want.
Submitted by reem.b.albalawi on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Better transitions between paragraphs will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and expand on them to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and word choice to make your ideas clearer and more precise. This will help in better communicating your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The response addresses both parts of the question, discussing whether the parenting style is good and its consequences.
task achievement
Personal example provided adds a personal touch and shows reflective thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgent
  • entitlement
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • nurturing
  • self-reliance
  • adversity
  • autonomy
  • validation
  • dependence
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