In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In
this
hyper-advancing globalisation era, fast food
has become an
integral in human life. The relentless pursuit of advertisements from fast Change the article
apply
food
chains has caused citizens to be pulled into a pool of unhealthy delicious food
. This
has exacerbated the rate of obesity
, especially among children
. Inevitably, this
caused a substantial increase in the mortality rate due to
obesity
. Conversely
, it is integral for individuals and the government of a country to avert and eradicate the root cause of obesity
before it turns fatal.
Right off the bat, the ignorance of food
intake towards children
's health by parents has led to malnutrition and obesity
. This
nonchalant behaviour has caused children
to be picky with food
, only having food
containing vibrant colours and high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol. Therefore
, parents should be well aware and persuade their kids to have a balanced meal consisting of carbohydrates, protein, vitamins, and fibre in proportionate amounts. This
will prevent the youth from struggling with such
diseases.
On the other hand
, school
canteens worldwide are serving students with cheap unhealthy food
selections. It is a devilish myopic approach to earn more money without weighing the dietary plan most children
need to stay healthy and bright for school
. Therefore
, the health administrator should urge public and private schools to follow a strict dietary meal plan to ensure a healthier lifestyle. For instance
, health ministers should do monthly revisions and analyses of the school
's food
consumption to tackle the root cause of obesity
at the school
level.
In conclusion, the world requires its people to have a paradigm shift in their thoughts to tackle the crux of obesity
. A substantial change in approach is needed to allow our younger generation to grow into a healthy being and avoid catching non-communicable diseases in order to live a happier life.Submitted by lishaanatalie on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons for childhood obesity and potential solutions. However, incorporating more specific examples would strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain a logical flow throughout your essay. While the logical structure is good, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, double-check for minor language inaccuracies and aim for clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader effectively. This will bolster both coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, clearly outlining the issue and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
The main points you presented are relevant and substantial. You have thoroughly addressed both the causes and potential solutions to childhood obesity, which is commendable.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and presents comprehensive ideas logically, making it easy to follow and understand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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