In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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this

Linking Words

hyper-advancing globalisation era, fast

food

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has become

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apply

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integral in human life. The relentless pursuit of advertisements from fast

food

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chains has caused citizens to be pulled into a pool of unhealthy delicious

food

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This

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has exacerbated the rate of

obesity

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, especially among

children

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. Inevitably,

this

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caused a substantial increase in the mortality rate

due to

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obesity

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Conversely

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, it is integral for individuals and the government of a country to avert and eradicate the root cause of

obesity

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before it turns fatal. Right off the bat, the ignorance of

food

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intake towards

children

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's health by parents has led to malnutrition and

obesity

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This

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nonchalant behaviour has caused

children

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to be picky with

food

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, only having

food

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containing vibrant colours and high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol.

Therefore

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, parents should be well aware and persuade their kids to have a balanced meal consisting of carbohydrates, protein, vitamins, and fibre in proportionate amounts.

This

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will prevent the youth from struggling with

such

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diseases.

On the other hand

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school

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canteens worldwide are serving students with cheap unhealthy

food

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selections. It is a devilish myopic approach to earn more money without weighing the dietary plan most

children

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need to stay healthy and bright for

school

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Therefore

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, the health administrator should urge public and private schools to follow a strict dietary meal plan to ensure a healthier lifestyle.

For instance

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, health ministers should do monthly revisions and analyses of the

school

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food

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consumption to tackle the root cause of

obesity

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at the

school

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level. In conclusion, the world requires its people to have a paradigm shift in their thoughts to tackle the crux of

obesity

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. A substantial change in approach is needed to allow our younger generation to grow into a healthy being and avoid catching non-communicable diseases in order to live a happier life.

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task achievement

Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons for childhood obesity and potential solutions. However, incorporating more specific examples would strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain a logical flow throughout your essay. While the logical structure is good, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally well-organized, double-check for minor language inaccuracies and aim for clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader effectively. This will bolster both coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, clearly outlining the issue and summarizing your points effectively.

task achievement

The main points you presented are relevant and substantial. You have thoroughly addressed both the causes and potential solutions to childhood obesity, which is commendable.

task achievement

The essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and presents comprehensive ideas logically, making it easy to follow and understand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

childhood obesity
sedentary lifestyle
balanced diet
fast food
sugary snacks
physical activity
nutrition education
health campaigns
public health initiatives
government regulations
home-cooked meals
extracurricular sports
digital entertainment
sedentary behavior

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In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that humanitarian subjects such as philosophy, history and literature that people study in universities have no value for their future career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

Some believe that technology, such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?