Countries with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful, but may suffer from negative social consequences as a result. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?

Implementation
long
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of long
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working hours might have a positive
impact
to
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on
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economic development in certain countries;
however
, it has negative consequences
of
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on
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social life in society as well. In my opinion, I disagree with the former statement because it has no correlation but I agree with the latter
due to
some reasons. First of all, forcing people to work
in
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for
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longer duration will directly
impact
to
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apply
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a decrease
of
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in
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their
productivity
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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, their job satisfaction
would decrease
Wrong verb form
decreases
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as well
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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demotivates
Wrong verb form
demotivating
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the employee to give the best result.
As a result
, people can suffer a stressful work environment, resulting in lowering employment, particularly
on
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in
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crucial sectors.
This
has proven that prolonging working duration will not help
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
to be more successful.
This
case has been proven in Japan and China, where they implement long working
hour
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hours
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which
finally
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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the employment level in the countries and
do
Change the verb form
does
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not have much
impact
on their economy.
Furthermore
,
long
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the long
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working duration will have negative social consequences to society because
negative
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the negative
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consequence is
an
Correct article usage
apply
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impact
from
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of
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decreasing
productivity
among employees.
In other words
, decreasing
productivity
will affect not only in job environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
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but
also
affect social life of the employees.
Hence
, people will tend to quit
from
Change preposition
apply
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their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
and find an instant way to get income,
for example
doing criminals which will create new social problems. In conclusion, longer average working
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
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do not have
correlation
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a correlation
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with the
success
Replace the word
successful
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result of economic development. Oppositely, it will decrease
productivity
and satisfaction
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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to many negative social consequences,
such
as
stressful
Correct your spelling
stress for
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workers and criminals.
Submitted by bhaswarawira on

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Improve sentence structures to express ideas more clearly and avoid repetition.
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The essay addresses both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
  • detrimental
  • stress levels
  • strain
  • work-life balance
  • emerging economies
  • unsustainable growth
  • social unrest
  • productivity tools
  • government policies
  • social well-being
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