Countries with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful, but may suffer from negative social consequences as a result. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
Implementation
long
working hours might have a positive Change preposition
of long
impact
to
economic development in certain countries; Change preposition
on
however
, it has negative consequences of
social life in society as well. In my opinion, I disagree with the former statement because it has no correlation but I agree with the latter Change preposition
on
due to
some reasons.
First of all, forcing people to work in
longer duration will directly Change preposition
for
impact
to
a decrease Change preposition
apply
of
their Change preposition
in
productivity
. If the
Correct article usage
apply
productivity
decrease
, their job satisfaction Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
would decrease
as well Wrong verb form
decreases
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
demotivates
the employee to give the best result. Wrong verb form
demotivating
As a result
, people can suffer a stressful work environment, resulting in lowering employment, particularly on
crucial sectors. Change preposition
in
This
has proven that prolonging working duration will not help economy
to be more successful. Add an article
the economy
This
case has been proven in Japan and China, where they implement long working hour
which Fix the agreement mistake
hours
finally
affect
the employment level in the countries and Change the verb form
affects
do
not have much Change the verb form
does
impact
on their economy.
Furthermore
, long
working duration will have negative social consequences to society because Add an article
the long
negative
consequence is Add an article
the negative
an
Correct article usage
apply
impact
from
decreasing Change preposition
of
productivity
among employees. In other words
, decreasing productivity
will affect not only in job environment,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
affect social life of the employees. Hence
, people will tend to quit from
their Change preposition
apply
job
and find an instant way to get income, Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
for example
doing criminals which will create new social problems.
In conclusion, longer average working day
do not have Fix the agreement mistake
days
correlation
with the Add an article
a correlation
success
result of economic development. Oppositely, it will decrease Replace the word
successful
productivity
and satisfaction that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
leads
to many negative social consequences, Wrong verb form
leading
such
as stressful
workers and criminals.Correct your spelling
stress for
Submitted by bhaswarawira on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structures to express ideas more clearly and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the points made, making the argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to be more specific and precise.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points of the essay.