Countries with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful, but may suffer from negative social consequences as a result. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?

Implementation
long
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of long
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working hours might have a positive
impact
to
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on
show examples
economic development in certain countries;
however
, it has negative consequences
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
social life in society as well. In my opinion, I disagree with the former statement because it has no correlation but I agree with the latter
due to
some reasons. First of all, forcing people to work
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
longer duration will directly
impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a decrease
of
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in
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their
productivity
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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, their job satisfaction
would decrease
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
as well
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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demotivates
Wrong verb form
demotivating
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the employee to give the best result.
As a result
, people can suffer a stressful work environment, resulting in lowering employment, particularly
on
Change preposition
in
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crucial sectors.
This
has proven that prolonging working duration will not help
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
to be more successful.
This
case has been proven in Japan and China, where they implement long working
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
which
finally
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
the employment level in the countries and
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not have much
impact
on their economy.
Furthermore
,
long
Add an article
the long
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working duration will have negative social consequences to society because
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
consequence is
an
Correct article usage
apply
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impact
from
Change preposition
of
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decreasing
productivity
among employees.
In other words
, decreasing
productivity
will affect not only in job environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
affect social life of the employees.
Hence
, people will tend to quit
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
and find an instant way to get income,
for example
doing criminals which will create new social problems. In conclusion, longer average working
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
do not have
correlation
Add an article
a correlation
show examples
with the
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
result of economic development. Oppositely, it will decrease
productivity
and satisfaction
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
to many negative social consequences,
such
as
stressful
Correct your spelling
stress for
show examples
workers and criminals.
Submitted by bhaswarawira on

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coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structures to express ideas more clearly and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support the points made, making the argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to be more specific and precise.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points of the essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
  • detrimental
  • stress levels
  • strain
  • work-life balance
  • emerging economies
  • unsustainable growth
  • social unrest
  • productivity tools
  • government policies
  • social well-being
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