Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #home #area #study #work #cities #development

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There is no denying the fact that the majority of young

people

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go to different areas to

work

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study

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While

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it is a commonly held belief that, we need to let them leave to

study

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work

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in another place, there is

also

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an argument that they should stay at their

home

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and

work

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in the same area.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, young

people

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should have their own choice in

this

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situation.

In other words

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, they need to decide what to do and try to explore the place if they want to go out to

study

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or to

work

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to earn

money

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In addition

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, I know many

people

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now who leave their houses just to improve their lives.

For example

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, my brother in law leave the house when he was only 10 years old to

study

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and

work

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Correct word choice

and

show examples

after 15 years he is another person who has

money

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and has his own company .

On the other hand

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, most

people

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want to stay at

home

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and

study

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in their city and lend

money

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from their parents. It is

also

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possible to say that, they do not have enough courage to go outside and explore other cities and

work

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there.

Moreover

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, there are many

people

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who stay at

home

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because they are lazy.

For instance

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, my friend prefers to stay at

home

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because he thinks he will not survive , he thinks that somebody should give him

money

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or he will not continue. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that, young

people

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like me should go out and explore the world to build their character and to be solid in the future.

Submitted by bcynfn159 on Sat Sep 21 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion. However, certain points in the essay, such as reasons why young people choose to move to cities, could be elaborated more. Consider providing more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your response.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between points can be smoother. For instance, try linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

While your main points are generally clear, some ideas need further development. Adding more specific examples and elaboration can help clarify and support your arguments better. For example, discussing more about the benefits and disadvantages of moving to cities in detail would be helpful.

task achievement

You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear opening and closing to your essay.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

many people say that the only way to ensure a good job is to complete a course in university education. to what extend do you agree or disagree

Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to older, more traditional values, such as respect for the local community, in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

Travelling is one of the most popular recreational activities we have. Some people like to travel alone, while others like to travel with a group of people. What would you prefer, travelling alone or travelling with some people?

It is often said “when in Rome, do as the Romans do”. Do you think people should adapt and accept the culture of the country they visit? Do you think it is possible to learn a culture without learning the language?