Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #home #area #study #work #cities #development

There is no denying the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the majority of young

people

go to different areas to

work

study

While

it is a commonly held belief that, we need to let them leave to

study

work

in another place, there is

also

an argument that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they should stay at their

home

and

work

in the same area.

This

essay will analyse

this

topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand, young

people

should have their own choice in

this

situation.

In other words

, they need to decide

Change preposition

apply

show examples

what to do and try to explore the place if they want to go out to

study

or to

work

to earn

money

In addition

, I know many

people

now who leave their

house

Fix the agreement mistake

houses

show examples

just to improve their life.

For example

, my brother in law leave the house when he was only 10 years old to

study

and

work

now

Rephrase

apply

show examples

after 15 years he is another person

have much

Verb problem

who has

show examples

money

and he

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

his own company

now

Rephrase

apply

show examples

. On the

otherhand

Correct your spelling

other hand

, most

people

want to stay at

home

and

study

in their city and lend

money

from their

parents'

Correct your spelling

parents

show examples

. It is

also

possible to say that, they do not have enough courage to go outside and explore other cities and

work

there.

Moreover

, there are many

people

who stay at

home

because they are lazy.

For instance

, my friend prefers to stay at

home

because he thinks he will not survive

out

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, he thinks that somebody should give him

money

or he will not continue. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

question. On balance,

however

, I tend to believe that, young

people

like me should go out and explore the world to build their character and to be solid in the future.

Submitted by bcynfn159 on Sat Sep 21 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a clear argument that is easy to follow; however, work on providing more detailed examples and support to make your main points stronger.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that all paragraphs smoothly transition from one idea to the next using linking words and concise statements.

coherence cohesion

Avoid using repetitive phrases like 'for instance' and vary your sentence structure to keep the reader engaged.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, and they capture the main essence of the discussion, which gives the essay a solid structure.

task achievement

Your examples add a personal touch and help to illustrate your points, making the essay more relatable.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

Designer goods are becoming more and more popular . However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Designer goods: are they worth it? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?

Some people believe that art, such as painting and music, does not improve people’s lives, so the government should not spend money on it. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, most children prefer to spend several hours playing with electronic devices over doing more traditional leisure activities. What problem does this cause? What do you think are possible solutions?