Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that the majority of young

people

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go to different areas to

work

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study

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While

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it is a commonly held belief that, we need to let them leave to

study

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work

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in another place, there is

also

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an argument that they should stay at their

home

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and

work

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in the same area.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, young

people

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should have their own choice in

this

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situation.

In other words

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, they need to decide what to do and try to explore the place if they want to go out to

study

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or to

work

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to earn

money

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In addition

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, I know many

people

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now who leave their houses just to improve their lives.

For example

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, my brother in law leave the house when he was only 10 years old to

study

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and

work

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Correct word choice

and

show examples

after 15 years he is another person who has

money

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and has his own company .

On the other hand

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, most

people

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want to stay at

home

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and

study

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in their city and lend

money

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from their parents. It is

also

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possible to say that, they do not have enough courage to go outside and explore other cities and

work

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there.

Moreover

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, there are many

people

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who stay at

home

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because they are lazy.

For instance

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, my friend prefers to stay at

home

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because he thinks he will not survive , he thinks that somebody should give him

money

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or he will not continue. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that, young

people

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like me should go out and explore the world to build their character and to be solid in the future.

bcynfn159Sat Sep 21 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion. However, certain points in the essay, such as reasons why young people choose to move to cities, could be elaborated more. Consider providing more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your response.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between points can be smoother. For instance, try linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

While your main points are generally clear, some ideas need further development. Adding more specific examples and elaboration can help clarify and support your arguments better. For example, discussing more about the benefits and disadvantages of moving to cities in detail would be helpful.

task achievement

You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear opening and closing to your essay.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Countries should produce the food that their population eats, and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people view sports as an important feature of our society while others feel it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many developing countries require aid from international organizations to develop. Many people think that this aid should be financial, while others think that practical aid and advice are more useful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.