Many young people are leaving their home in rural area to study or work in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?
There is no denying the fact that the majority of young after 15 years he is another person who has
people
go to different areas to work
or study
. While
it is a commonly held belief that, we need to let them leave to study
or work
in another place, there is also
an argument that they should stay at their home
and work
in the same area. This
essay will analyse this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
On the one hand, young people
should have their own choice in this
situation. In other words
, they need to decide what to do and try to explore the place if they want to go out to study
or to work
to earn money
. In addition
, I know many people
now who leave their houses just to improve their lives. For example
, my brother in law leave the house when he was only 10 years old to study
and work
,Correct word choice
and
money
and has his own company .
On the other hand
, most people
want to stay at home
and study
in their city and lend money
from their parents. It is also
possible to say that, they do not have enough courage to go outside and explore other cities and work
there. Moreover
, there are many people
who stay at home
because they are lazy. For instance
, my friend prefers to stay at home
because he thinks he will not survive , he thinks that somebody should give him money
or he will not continue.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this
question. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that, young people
like me should go out and explore the world to build their character and to be solid in the future.Submitted by bcynfn159 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion. However, certain points in the essay, such as reasons why young people choose to move to cities, could be elaborated more. Consider providing more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between points can be smoother. For instance, try linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are generally clear, some ideas need further development. Adding more specific examples and elaboration can help clarify and support your arguments better. For example, discussing more about the benefits and disadvantages of moving to cities in detail would be helpful.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear opening and closing to your essay.