the digaram show the life cycle of a soecies of large fish called the salmon

The diagram demonstrates how the life cycle of
salmon
changed. As can be seen,
this
cycle is linear
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and depends mainly on nature. It is
also
worth mentioning that it is comprised of 3 main stages (fry,smolt,adult
salmon
).
Initially
,
salmon
eggs are located in the upper river slow moving between both reeds and small stones, where they can remain for approximately 5-6 months.
Subsequently
, the eggs hatch into fry, which means 3-8 cm. In the next stage, the fry moves to
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
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fast-flowing lower river, where they can be there for nearly 4 years. When their size reaches 12-15 cm, they turn into smolt. In the final stage, the smolt heads to the ocean. They spend there around 5 years and grow to 70-76 cm. Once they mature, the adult
salmon
migrate back to the upper river to spawn, and the entire journey is repeated all over again.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases such as 'fast fast-flowing'.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate and label each stage in the process for better clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task.
task achievement
You have correctly divided the lifecycle into main stages and included specific details about each stage.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes logical and sequential progression which makes it easy to follow.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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