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Writing Samples
Band 4

the digaram show the life cycle of a soecies of large fish called the salmon

#digaram #show #life #cycle #soecies #fish #salmon
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The diagram demonstrates how the life cycle of
salmon
Use synonyms
 changed. As can be seen,
this
Linking Words
 cycle is linear
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and depends mainly on nature. It is
also
Linking Words
 worth mentioning that it is comprised of 3 main stages (fry,smolt,adult
salmon
Use synonyms
).
Initially
Linking Words
,
salmon
Use synonyms
 eggs are located in the upper river slow moving between both reeds and small stones, where they can remain for approximately 5-6 months.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the eggs hatch into fry, which means 3-8 cm. In the next stage, the fry moves to
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
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 fast-flowing lower river, where they can be there for nearly 4 years. When their size reaches 12-15 cm, they turn into smolt. In the final stage, the smolt heads to the ocean. They spend there around 5 years and grow to 70-76 cm. Once they mature, the adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 migrate back to the upper river to spawn, and the entire journey is repeated all over again.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases such as 'fast fast-flowing'.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate and label each stage in the process for better clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task.
task achievement
You have correctly divided the lifecycle into main stages and included specific details about each stage.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes logical and sequential progression which makes it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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