IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exerciseand avoids stress.What should people do to stay healthy in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Few individuals prefer to remain vegetarian. They don't like to eat any kind of non-vegetarian
food
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 as in their opinion it preserves nature and keeps the ecosystem alive.
Also
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, they believe that doing so has significant
benefits
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 for their health.
This
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 essay will discuss the view and present my opinion on the statement.
To begin
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 with, vegetarianism as a
food
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 choice promotes greenery and agricultural production in the world. It has several
benefits
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 like reducing air pollution, and soil erosion.
Furthermore
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, vegetarian
food
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 has other
benefits
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 like It cannot be stopped
due to
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 severe weather. It only fixed the problem of hunger in the human population in non-violent ways.
For instance
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, Countries like India where a large section of society is vegetarian have been able to achieve the goal of achieving two times
food
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 for poor and needy sections of society by promoting the green revolution in the early seventies.
Subsequently
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, Another section of society feels that non-vegetarian
food
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 can balance the growing need for
food
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 for the rising population worldwide. In their opinion killing animals for
food
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 is justifiable.
However
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, They argue that to achieve
food
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 security non-vegetarian
food
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 can only help us. To cite an example, Countries like the US have a strong demand for beef, pork, chicken, and lamb kind of products which are not so good for the human heart and promote the risk of heart attacks among non-vegetarians. In conclusion, vegetarian
food
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 is not only beneficial for the environment but
also
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 for human beings' health. Its
benefits
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 are enormous.
Therefore
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, I believe that vegetarian
food
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 is better for our health
as well as
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 for the entire world.

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task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly. While you have presented a vegetarian vs. non-vegetarian food argument, you could add more evidence, reasons, and examples to delve deeper into the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. For instance, the second body paragraph could more clearly build on or contrast with the first. Transitions between ideas can be more seamless.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear overview and wrap-up of your essay's key points.
supported main points
You have used relevant examples to support your points, such as referencing the Green Revolution in India and food trends in the US. This adds credibility to your arguments.
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