IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Music and other arts seem to be features of evety society. In what ways are music and other arts important for societies and for individuals? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#music #arts #features #evety #society #societies #individuals
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Societies and
art
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 are integrated.
Art
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 is a part of every society's culture and it shows the beliefs and attitudes of its
people
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. Seeking through the world each community has its own
music
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that is
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 identical and by which can be recognized. so it is believed that
art
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 plays an important role in human social and individual life with relevant reasons and examples.
Art
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 is known as a
language
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 for showing feelings and emotions. In fact, many
people
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 tend to convey their affection and love through
art
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, it might be hard to use
language
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 to define your feelings and sometimes words may be insufficient to tell what is in your heart.
However
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,
art
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 lets to show your thoughts and emotions in the best way possible.
Additionally
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,
music
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 among all types of
art
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 can be really soothing and simply can touch your soul.
For instance
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, many
people
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 tend to sing songs for their lovers or paint to let out their anger. So, as a matter of fact,
music
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 can be the best
language
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 to let you speak and share what is on your mind that can be difficult to express through words. On the one hand,
art
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 and
music
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 can bring
people
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 together. Societies get united through
music
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, each country has its own national
music
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 that gives its
people
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 a sense of belonging. So in order to put it into simple words
people
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 use are
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
especially
music
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 to interact with each other and as a sign to show their beliefs and cultures. They use
art
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 to let them differ from other communities.
On the other hand
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,
music
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 can have economic advantages for societies, each year a lot of singers play in different concerts or have tours all around the world.
people
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 pay a lot of money to be in the concerts and enjoy the
music
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.
Consequently
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,
art
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 and
music
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 have individual and social benefits, it can be a
language
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 to express feelings,
also
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 a
language
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 to interact with
people
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 around the world, and it gives
people
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 a sense of belonging.
Art
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 can have economic advantages as well.
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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and develop it fully with relevant examples. Currently, some points feel a bit underdeveloped or generalized.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical flow. Transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, linking words and phrases (such as 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', 'As a result', etc.) can help improve the cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the importance of art in society and accurately sets the stage for your discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
You provide a variety of perspectives on the importance of art, touching on emotional, cultural, and economic factors, which enriches your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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