Some people think that there are benefits in going to private secondary schools. Others feel that private schools can have negative effects on the society. Discuss both the view and give your opinion?
It is often believed that private secondary
schools
provide more benefits while
some people think they cause negative consequences on society. I partially agree with this
, for students
are able to gain special and advanced learning experiences
regardless of some potential harm to create a social disparity.
On the one hand, private secondary schools
are advantageous as they offer unique programs to enhance students
' talents. In other words
, they can gain more stimulating experiences
than public schools
to meet diverse
needs of pupils. Correct article usage
the diverse
For instance
, studying in Australia is a
part of a program of Kunei Private Change the article
apply
School
in Japan for students
specializing in biology to promote their understanding of various marine creatures in the world. This
will be a spectacular experience, which cannot be easily offered by public schools
with lower budgets, allowing them to learn not only how geography affects marine life but also
different scientific methods for experiments.
On the other hand
, private schools
have a detrimental effect on society as they can lead to a growing disparity between the rich and the poor. Indeed, only wealthy students
can afford to pay a higher educational fee for private schools
, making a difference in academic experiences
among young people. For example
, while
private school
students
have diverse learning experiences
by studying abroad and fieldwork, public school
students
are often provided with fewer choices as public schools
tend to focus more on basic knowledge as well as
equal learning opportunities. Thus
, a superior experience of learning allows private school
students
to be more employed than public school
students
, causing a serious social division.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that private schools
are beneficial as they provide more stimulating learning opportunities with more interactive and practical programs. However
, it can cause a gap between the wealthy and financially disadvantaged students
, making it more difficult for the latter to gain employment.Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and ideas within paragraphs are presented in a clear, organized manner. Using signposting words can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Diversify sentence structures and vocabulary to maintain reader interest and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Ensure that each point made is fully developed with detailed support. In the second body paragraph, providing additional examples or data to back up the negative effects of social disparity could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Expand more on your personal opinion in the conclusion. This could help make your stance clearer and stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage and wrapping up the discussion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant specific examples, effectively illustrating the benefits and drawbacks of private secondary schools.
task achievement
There is a comprehensive response to the task with a clear indication of your opinion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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