PERSONAL INFORMATION These days more people put their personal information, such as names, addresses and telephone numbers, online for everyday activities such as socialising on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#information #people #names #addresses #telephone #numbers #activities #networks #purposes #development

Currently, it is commonplace for us to see that the public share their private details,

such

as names, addresses and other contact

information

, on the

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

to support their social accounts and banking processes. I think that

this

is a positive improvement. With regard to the usage of personal details on social media, most organizations require private

information

to set up an account since

this

is a regulation of both website companies and the government, in order to identify

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

. Once the public provides these particulars, with their social account, they can chat with others all over the world, scrolling through their posted videos and enjoying their experiences,

thus

breaking the regional boundary to make friends. Throughout

this

social interaction, people might be exposed to different thoughts and

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

behaviours,

thus

they will be aware that differences are norms, and

as a result

, they will respect them in the future. In

this

way,

socializations

Fix the agreement mistake

socialization

show examples

cultivates people’s empathy, which is a vital social skill for both their careers and lives. Apart from socialization, using personal

information

to apply electronic payment services brings significant convenience to everyday life. If credit card

information

is updated to applications,

they

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

can be used automatically to make payments, saving a great amount of time.

For example

, people can

setup

Correct your spelling

set up

show examples

weekly orders to purchase food online, using an app

that is

based on secure technology, which can deduct payment from a bank account without missing any payment date. Notably, it improves customers' shopping experiences and maintains consistency for online businesses. An additional benefit of sharing personal emails and numbers online is that personalized promotion messages can be posted on time, thereby allowing individuals to enjoy discounts, which not only keeps people updated but

also

saves money. In conclusion, for the reasons that I have given, sharing one's

information

online benefits individuals’ lives since it provides opportunities to socialize globally and offers convenience.

Therefore

, I believe

this

tendency is a positive development with benefits for all concerned.

Submitted by careyche on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Improvement

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Structure

Your essay provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outlined the main points and summarized your opinion, ensuring a strong understanding for the reader.

Organization

The coherence and cohesion of your essay were impressive. Your ideas were logically organized, and paragraphs were linked together smoothly, making your argument easy to follow.

Content

Your use of relevant examples and clear comprehensive ideas in support of your points significantly contributed to a complete response to the task. This helped in clearly demonstrating your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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PERSONAL INFORMATION These days more people put their personal information, such as names, addresses and telephone numbers, online for everyday activities such as socialising on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians and sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of Job should be highly paid?

Many young people regularly change their jobs over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people prefer to work for a large company. Other prefer to work for a small company. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples.

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil, or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that children should start primary school later in life, other that they should start it before 7. Discuss both views and give me your opinion?