IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people believe that television programs are no value for children. Do you agree? Why and why not? Provide reasons and examples to support your response.

#people #television #programs #value #children #support
Many people argue that
television
programs
 do not have any value for
children
. I personally disagree with
this
 viewpoint because
television
programs
 have a great value for
children
 because
these
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can provide education and
entertainment
 to
children
.
Television
programs
 have a great importance in providing education to
children
. There are numerous channels
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
, which provide lessons about different subjects
such
 as English, geography, maths and many more. Those
children
 who watch these
programs
, and attend these lessons can earn knowledge.
Moreover
, these
programs
also
 help
children
 to revise their daily school lessons.
This
 is because they are learning through
entertainment
.
For example
, in Bangladesh, there is one
television
 program named "Learn with Play," which teaches basic English grammar to
children
.
This
 program helps
children
 to learn grammar through playing and solving puzzles.
Television
also
 provides
entertainment
 facilities to
children
.
Television
 telecasts a wide range of
programs
 with great
entertainment
 values, which are suitable for the tastes and ages of
children
.
Therefore
, after coming back from school, or finishing their studies,
children
 can spend a certain amount of time watching
television
. It helps to refresh their minds and prepare them for the next day.
In addition
,
television
 helps to enhance the education and
entertainment
 of
children
.
For example
,
children
 in Australia, watch
animation
Replace the word
animated
show examples
 films
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
 at least for 1 and
half
Add an article
a half
show examples
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 per day for
entertainment
 purposes. In conclusion, I think that
television
 helps
children
 to become entertained and educated. Watching
televisionfor
Correct your spelling
television for
 a certain period of time in a day helps them to increase their knowledge and refresh their minds.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating further on specific examples and explaining their impact on children's educational and entertainment value. This will enrich your essay and make your argument even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are evenly developed, with clear transitions between points. This helps in maintaining a smooth flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position that is well-supported with specific examples, which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, providing a clear framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, making the essay easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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