IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

A lot of millennials are of the notion that higher authorities should shut down the
factories
Use synonyms
 that are generating huge amounts of hazardous
waste
Use synonyms
 without proper channels for their disposal. I will shed light on both views and put forward my opinion on the same.
To begin
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 with, nowadays,
due to
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 the increase in urbanization, cities are witnessing horizontal growth taking up major areas of the countryside which were earlier allocated to
factories
Use synonyms
.
Waste
Use synonyms
 from
factories
Use synonyms
 is directly contaminating the environment, which has detrimental effects on human health.
For instance
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,
dumping
Correct article usage
the dumping
show examples
 of factory
waste
Use synonyms
 in the nearby water bodies from where the unfiltered water is being supplied to the general public.
According to
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 the survey report,in the
last
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 few years, maximum cases of typhoid, cholera and
diarrhea
Change the spelling
diarrhoea
show examples
 have been reported. Industrial units are not taking any preventive measures to curb
this
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 grave issue. Explaining
further
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,
factories
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in mass production and provide cheaper and faster goods.
Hence
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, closing the
factories
Use synonyms
 is not a suitable solution.
Therefore
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, the government should join hands with the local authorities to address
this
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 problem. Strict actions ought to be taken against the
factories
Use synonyms
 by providing them with strict guidelines on how to discard industrial
waste
Use synonyms
 and penalising those who ignore the instructions of the regulatory units. Environment-friendly methods should be followed to bury the
factories
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'
waste
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 to avoid any ecological disruption. Sustainable solutions
such
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 as recycling, reduced packaging and
waste
Use synonyms
 exchange can be introduced to handle
this
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 serious problem.
To conclude
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,
due to
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 the increase in the population bulk production is
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 of the hour and shutting down
factories
Use synonyms
 is not a plausible solution. Industries
along with
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 government and regulating bodies should collaborate together to address the issue of factory
waste
Use synonyms
 keeping in mind the well-being of living organisms.
However
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, strict actions should be taken against the
factories
Use synonyms
 that do not take calculative measures
while
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 disposing of the toxic
waste
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points relevant to the prompt and presents a clear stance on the issue. Make sure to present a more balanced view in the body paragraphs to further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is generally sound, some sentences could be clearer and more concise. Try to structure your paragraphs so that each one addresses a single point more cohesively.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve the overall readability and coherence of your writing.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt adequately, covering different aspects of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are logical and cover different perspectives, which enriches the discussion.
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