IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to reduce, the amount of traftic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home to work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that reducing the demand for
people
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 to go to workplaces, schools or malls is the best way to decrease the number of transport on city roads nowadays.
While
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 there are some benefits to
this
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 option, I partly disagree with
this
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 notion
due to
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 the risks it presents. On the
one
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 hand, the idea of encouraging
people
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 to stay at home to solve the problem of
traffic
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 is beneficial to some extent.
Firstly
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, the amount of emissions from vehicles can significantly decline. In fact,
one
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 of the most prevalent factors that cause global warming is the rocketing in
people
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 who use personal transport.
For example
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, Ha Noi city which has a high percentage of private vehicles has a huge mass of fine dust in its atmosphere.
Secondly
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, development in online platforms is required for shopping online
as well as
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 working and studying from home. That requirement,
consequently
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, can encourage innovations which are more convenient and advanced in technology.
On the other hand
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, despite the above-mentioned advantages, I believe that
this
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 opinion should not be applied. The main
one
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 is that the need for travelling for work, study or shopping purposes is impractical to reduce.
This
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 is because controversies among inhabitants will appear when they are forced to ease their indispensable demands.
Additionally
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, more social problems will increase as well. During the
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 pandemic, for
one
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, the proportion of divorce had risen
due to
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 several causes, leading to a decline in the rate of national happiness.
Instead
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, facilitating public transport appears to be a superior alternative solution.
For instance
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, by investing excessively in building elevated and underground railways, Japan has managed to reduce 
traffic
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 volume considerably, easing congestion on roads. In conclusion, it is futile trying to get
people
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 to stay at home more for the sake of
traffic
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and investing in modern means of public transit would be a better remedy when it comes to alleviating
traffic
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. It is suggested that governments around the world judiciously examine
this
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 approach and consider the possibility of adopting it.

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task achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement score, try incorporating more specific and detailed examples to support your argument. This will make your points more convincing and well-rounded.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Maintain this clarity while ensuring your arguments directly address the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
For improved Coherence and Cohesion, further develop the linkage between paragraphs and ideas. Use a greater variety of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, which is commendable. Continue creating well-structured essays with clearly defined sections—introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear, comprehensive ideas which are easy to understand. This significantly supports your Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with a relevant introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points effectively.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples which help illustrate your points. Continue to include specific examples that strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Maintaining a clear introduction and conclusion ensures your essay is easy to follow, aiding your Coherence and Cohesion score.
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